La Vita e Bella
by Gemelli22
Summary: Rachel had finally accepted Finn, and her life was almost perfect. But destiny had other plans for her... Future Fic. Finnchel initially, St Berry eventually. Warning: angst and character death.
1. Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

Life was good for Rachel, and she was very grateful for that. Extremely grateful. That simple yet powerful word summarized Rachel's emotions for the past few years. At 29, she had everything she had ever dreamed of and so much more, and she couldn't help but feel happy and grateful most of the time.

Her career had soared beyond her expectations. She had married her high school sweetheart and they were still very much in love, and even thinking of having a baby. Life was good. Very good.

* * *

RACHEL AND FINN were not always together, and they only had begun dating seriously on their last year of college. They had dated on and off through most of the high school years, but it was never serious, since there was always one of them who couldn't fully commit to the relationship. At first it was Finn, who was always looking for something (or someone) more exciting. And then it was Rachel, who couldn't take anyone seriously after having her heart broken on her sophomore year by Jesse St. James. Sure, Finn has broken her heart more than once, but it was only after Jesse broke up with her that she had experienced true heartbreak, the kind of pain that feels like your chest has been crushed and it was even hard to breathe sometimes. The kind of pain that never really goes away, and left her numb for a while to all the emotions that come with falling in love, and feeling loved.

After her experiences with Finn and Jesse, Rachel had vowed to never let anyone trample on her feelings again, and decided that she was the only one allowed to break it off: she would not let anyone leave her ever again. And she never did. Being with Finn after Jesse had felt ironic at first: it had taken someone else falling for her to make Finn realize that he really loved her. But Rachel needed Finn, she needed someone to make her forget about her heartbreak, and Finn was perfect for that job. Those first months after Regionals were bittersweet, even awkward sometimes, because Rachel's heart wasn't really in it, but time heals everything, even heartbreak, and Finn proved to be a good boyfriend after all.

Rachel's dads adored Finn, they even let him stay overnight on the guest room, which was later dubbed "Finn's room", since he even kept clothes there. When Rachel broke it off the next year claiming the team needed both of them to stay focused on winning Regionals, and later Nationals, Finn just hung around and they stayed friends. After winning Nationals the first time Rachel softened a bit and resumed her relationship with Finn, and they were McKinley's power couple until they graduated from high school. It was amazing how winning Nationals made the glee club kids popular overnight, and auditions had to be held every year after that since everybody wanted to be in it. They even had a booster club that paid from everything – from air travel and hotel accommodations to a donation of several Prius that were raffled among them. Finn was one of the winners, and he kept that car forever.

Rachel was accepted to all the colleges she had applied to: Julliard, UCLA, UC Irvine, Tisch, Elon. Her credentials as captain of a show choir that had won Nationals 3 years in a row, along with her amazing auditions left every college fighting to get her, each one offering more than the next. She had finally settled for Tisch, since it was the one with a theatre program that promised her acting in plays and musicals from the get go, and Rachel could not wait to be a star. And she needed a break from Finn, who had also won a scholarship to UCLA for his musical skills, playing drums to be more precise, not singing.

The break up came right after graduation, and Finn just felt it coming.

"We need to talk" she had said a week after graduation.

"Please Rachel, don't" had been his first reaction.

"Baby, you know that making it in Broadway is what I want the MOST. I need to really concentrate on this right now Finn, it's now or never. I'll never get a chance like this again and I have to make the most of it, and I'll never be able to do that with a long distance relationship, you on the west coast and me on the east. I won't be able to fully concentrate if I'm thinking of when will I see you next, never mind the communication issues, e-mailing, texting, facebooking, phone calls, it's just going to be too much and I'm afraid my budding career will suffer serious consequences. Disastrous , ruinous consequences. I need to focus on me, on Team Rachel."

"Come on Rach, don't get all drama queen on me. We can make it work if we put our heart into this". He said lying, he had to agree with her that it would be too much for her to handle, given her present state and her great ambitions.

"Finn, don't make this harder on me, this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life, and my heart won't be able to withstand any resistance from you, it would just break in tiny pieces that I'll never be able to put back together…" she said while looking at him with tears brimming from her big puppy eyes. She had proven to be a good actor too, since she was also lying. Nothing was as hard as getting over Jesse, and she still felt the shooting pain on her chest whenever he was mentioned. But looking in retrospective, Rachel was even grateful that for what Jesse had done, since it gave her the strength and confidence she was lacking, and everything seemed easy after having to withstand losing him.

Finn just smiled and held her for a long time, stroking her hair and fighting back his own tears, he knew this was for the best.

"I feel so selfish Finn, I feel awful doing this to you…" She was telling the truth now. She actually loved him and being without him would be hard.

Finn comforted her, he held her face with his hands, and kissed her tears, which were now flowing freely down her cheeks.

"I understand Rach. I kinda knew this was coming, with your ambitions and dreams and all. I guess I've been in denial for a long time. But that doesn't mean I'll stop loving you, Rach, you're my girl. You'll always be my girl, no matter what." He wasn't lying now, he knew he would never love anyone as much as he loved and admired Rachel. He was actually surprised they had lasted that long, and he knew and understood her need to shine. He loved her so much he just wanted her to be happy, to make it in Broadway, even if losing her made him miserable.

Finn even went to the airport to say goodbye to her a week later when she left with her dads to New York for an early summer program for gifted students that had been accepted that year. He gave her an envelope before kissing her for the last time.

Rachel could not fight the tears that had appeared when she opened the envelope on the airplane. It held a star shaped silver key ring that had "TEAM RACHEL" engraved on the front, and "Always shine" on the back. Even her dads cried. And everyone else sitting next to them, Shelby included, just looked at them oddly. Shelby had rekindled her relationship with her oldest daughter, baby Beth had softened her a bit and little by little they had established a relationship. Not a mother-daughter relationship, it was more like being best friends- Rachel relied heavily on Shelby's advice and Shelby in turn had helped her team win Nationals.

* * *

Rachel did make the most of college, and she did shine at Tisch. She was beloved by most of her teachers and admired by her classmates, which only gave her more fervor and commitment to follow her dreams. It turns out her dreams had ended up following her, since she nabbed Maria's part on the school's West Side Story production, as well as leading roles on most subsequent plays. Rachel was ecstatic, for the first time in her life she felt really, really happy. She was constantly smiling and her positive attitude even nauseated some of her less fortunate peers, who could not understand how a regular girl had managed to overshadow them. But they were few, and they didn't make a dent on her attitude, only made her stronger.

Her high school friends visited regularly, mostly to get a Broadway fix. They stayed at Rachel's apartment, and even though they didn't spend a lot of time with her, Rachel loved going back to her apartment and having someone to talk to 'til the wee hours. Looking back, it seemed ages since she left Lima. Most of her friend had stayed there, attending colleges nearby. Only Tina and Mike, who had been dating forever, left along with Finn to UCLA. And Kurt, who incredibly became one of her best friends and confidant when he accepted they had the same tastes in everything except fashion, was finishing Julliard and was auditioning with the Metropolitan Opera. It was Kurt who kept her fashionable, they went shopping at least once a month. Her dads also visited often, she would only go to Lima on Christmas and only stayed for a few days. The last time she went outside of Christmas was to attend Shelby's and Will Schuester's marriage a year ago, and she only stayed overnight. She felt odd and out of place in Lima, and could not wait to get back to New York. Rachel felt like she had been living there her whole life, she was in love with the city and could not imagine living anywhere else, she felt she belonged there. She felt happy and safe there.

Rachel did have some setbacks, like the time when she fell sick the night before Oklahoma started and her understudy got to open the play, but after a while she learned that setbacks were often followed by great opportunities, and she got over them fast. She was still a drama queen, but mostly on the gleeful side of drama.

She was so content with the way things were going for her that when Finn told her he had been on a production with Jesse at UCLA, she did not feel the overwhelming pain in her chest anymore, just a pang that didn't last that long.

* * *

"Jesse was brilliant Rachel, he's still a pretentious asshole, but he is good. He's so talented it made me cringe sometimes at rehearsals, his performance was impeccable, and he held the audience magnetized 'til the end, when he always received standing ovations…"

Rachel smiled and told him "I'm genuinely happy for him, I know what it's like to want fame more than anything, and I have to admit he was almost as good as me back in high school…"

Finn laughed and they just kept talking about their lives, and Jesse St. James never crept in their conversations again.

Finn and Rachel had stayed good friends, and true to his word, Finn hadn't been able to be with anybody else, the thought of touching anyone but Rachel made him cringe, and on those occasions where he woke up next to a stranger after a night out partying he always regretted it and promised himself he would never do it again. He saw Rachel every Christmas in Lima, and there they spent most of the time together as friends, since they did not dare to venture again into a romance they both knew would fizzle again when they parted, and Finn was okay to be at least friends. They also talked on the phone at least once a week or so, and texted each other almost every day. Finn was Rachel's anchor, her holding rock when school and work went berserk; she knew she could always count on him.

They never again talked about Jesse, even though Finn saw him regularly: he remembered how hard he had to work to get Rachel back after Jesse left her, and he could see her reaction to the mere mention of Jesse's name, her smile disappeared albeit for a nanosecond, long enough for Finn to know she still felt something for him. Jesse always asked about Rachel and Finn hated him for it. Jesse somehow managed to know Rachel's every move, and it infuriated Finn just to hear her name coming out from his lips. He managed to stay calm, and felt that Jesse also struggled to keep some sense of civility in their rare conversations. But the tension between them was thick, and anyone could see they did not exactly like each other.

Rachel refrained from finding out more about Jesse, she wasn't remotely interested in opening the wound that had healed with time. She ignored his friend request on Facebook, did not google his name under any circumstance and even though she knew Jesse spoke to Shelby regularly, he never came up on their conversations. Shelby still felt that she was the orchestrator of causing her daughter so much pain, and she regretted that deeply.

* * *

CHAPTER 1

Finn and Rachel became a couple again on their senior year at college, close to graduation time. Finn had gone to New York to surprise Rachel during the opening of her biggest performance yet: she had nabbed a role on a real Broadway play and somehow managed to get college credits for it, so finishing her BA was not a problem. This was like her college graduation, the culmination of all she had had strived for, of all the hard work she'd done in the past few years. On the opening night, she managed to find her dads in the audience, and right next to them was Finn, grinning at her with that beautiful lopsided smile of his, full of pride and admiration and love for her, and Rachel felt all her defenses melting right then and there: she knew Finn was the one she wanted to be with, and she would do anything for him to take her back. She loved him before, but that night she fell IN love with him, and he stirred up feelings that she thought had stripped away from her soul permanently, she was full of love for him.

She never saw Jesse also beaming with pride in the audience, with a mixed expression of awe and longing, not then nor any other night thereafter. And Shelby never told her.

"Can you believe our baby girl? When did you become such a huge star sweetie?" one of her dads said right after receiving the loudest, longest standing ovation ever, she was ecstatic. After hugging her dads and Shelby forever, she spotted Finn standing there, waiting for all the commotion to subside before reaching her, and he was astonished when Rachel ran to him and did not let go of him. Even when some of her co-stars were popping the bubbly, she took Finn to her private dressing room and locked the door behind her.

Finn could not believe his eyes, Rachel was looking at him full of love and lust, but he could not believe it was directed to him, he'd never seen that look on her eyes before.

-"Finn, thank you for coming. You have no idea of how good you've made me feel tonight, like I'm the most important person in the world."

-"But you are Rachel, you've always been, at least in my universe".

Rachel's tears wet his dress shirt as he held her for a long time. Finn was so surprised by all of this, that he was out of words and they just kissed passionately, and after a while Finn held her face and told her

"I love you Rachel. You're it, you're the one for me. You're my girl, remember?"

-"Oh Finn, how can you love me after all I've done to you? You have to know I never meant to hurt you, I just…" Finn stopped her from talking by gently putting his index finger on her lips.

He looked at her, and he really saw her for the first time, the woman she had become, the little girl she still was: he did not need to hear anything else because her eyes spoke of all the love and regret she felt at that moment.

"Marry me Rachel" he said. "Marry me and I promise I'll be with you and love you for the rest of my life."

"Finn! Oh my God, no, I can't believe this. Yes, yes!" Rachel said immediately. "Of course I'll marry you, I will not risk losing you ever again! Oh my God, we're getting married!".

The kiss that came next sealed the pact: They wanted to be together forever. The moment was interrupted by the banging on her door, her cast mates wanted to celebrate, and invaded her dressing room.

"Everyone, meet Finn Hudson, my fiancée!" she said while everyone looked aghast.

Then came the "when" and "how", and the newly engaged couple just smiled sheepishly and looked at each other. The celebration went on late, and the restaurant they've all gone too had to practically throw all of them out. All of her good friends from Lima had been there, and they were relieved when they found out they had finally gotten engaged, since everyone but Rachel knew they belonged with each other.

Rachel and Finn got to her apartment at dawn, and they were so exhausted that they just fell asleep on each other's arms.

It wasn't until noon that they made love for the first time. Sure, they've had sex before, but this was the first time they actually made love, now that both their hearts were in it. They really loved each other, and the sensation of having sex with someone you really love was unique and irreplaceable. And it felt like their first time, minus the awkwardness and pain.

* * *

-"What? Oh my God, our baby is getting married!" Her dads were ecstatic, their wish had come true, Rachel had finally settled down with Finn, the guy they loved like a son.

-"We need to start planning everything: the ceremony, the reception, oh my God, what are you going to wear? Hiram, call Shelby immediately, we definitely need her input on the dress. It will be a Jewish ceremony, right? Please don't tell me you're planning on going Catholic on us, sweetie!" Her dad Leroy was almost hyperventilating, and Hiram wasted no time in taking his cell to call Shelby.

-"Wait Dad and Daddy! Not so fast! I know we got engaged fast and that was quite unexpected, especially for me, since I had resolved to even walk though fire to get Finn back. But we want to take things slow, I need to finish this play and Finn has to make all the arrangements to move to New York, and I don't even have an engagement ring yet!" Rachel said while looking at her empty left ring finger dramatically, and then smiling when she imagined Finn's ring on it.

Finn could not stop smiling, he was happy to go into this crazy family that had made him feel welcomed so many times. They were having lunch at a sidewalk café and Finn thought the moment was just perfect.

"Yeah" he said. "All that and I need to find a job here, I need to tell my agent that I'll be moving east, to see what kind of arrangements he can make!"

"Your agent? When did you get an agent, Finn Hudson?" Hiram asked.

"Well, I didn't actually get one, let's say he got me. Last December during the Christmas show at school this guy came up to me and practically begged me to let him be my agent. It sounded weird at first, I play mean drums but I'm not that good.."

"Of course you are! You are the best young drum player on the west coast, and every respectable band must be vying for you!" interrupted Rachel.

"Oh baby, thank you but you know that's not true. Anyhoo, I said yes to the agent because Mike and Tina told me everyone's dream was to find an agent, apparently it's very hard to find one in LA. Besides, Jesse's agent works for the same company…" Finn regretted that last comment right after it left his lips.

"Jesse? St James? The Jesse St James from VA?" Hiram said while Rachel looked distracted texting and seemingly not noticing the conversation.

"Shhhhh! I didn't know you were friends with the St. Jerk!" Leroy whispered.

"Well not friends, nooooo, but we performed together on a few shows, so I talked to him every once in a while…" Finn said, relieved that Rachel was unaware of the conversation as she was now talking- well almost shouting excitedly to Shelby on her cell". And he didn't see her flinch when he said his name.

Of course Rachel heard. She just didn't want to talk about him on one of the happiest days of her life. And even though she still felt that thing on her chest, she was a much better actor now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, here goes Chapter 2. Please be warned that this started out as a Finchel, but will end up as a St. Berry.**

**I will let Finchel fans when they need to stop reading. St. Berry fans will hopefully find specks of Jesse in every chapter before it turns completely St. Berry, so fear not, you shall be eventually satisfied... I'm a St. Berry at heart.**

**Please review, and I'll probably update soon! **

* * *

CHAPTER 2 – RACHEL BEFORE THE WEDDING

RACHEL AND FINN got along pretty well, and they rarely fought. Well, it wasn't really fights, more like lukewarm discussions, where Rachel got to practice her dramatic skills. She had nailed them so well that Finn hardly ever called her a drama queen anymore.

Their first fight –er, discussion- was about setting a wedding date. Finn wanted to get married immediately.

"Rach, why wait? We're in love, we know we want to be exclusively with each other, and your dads really want us married before we start living together, and my mom wouldn't mind either, you know, tradition and all…" Lie. That wasn't the reason he wanted to get married fast, he was just terrified that she would change her mind and leave him before they tied the knot.

Rachel could read Finn completely, she knew what was going up in his mind before he even knew it. She walked up to him and held both his hands on her while looking up to him.

"Finn, I'm not going anywhere. I love you. I really love you. I want to grow old with you, have your baby, well maybe two is fine, no more. Anyway, what I mean to tell you is that this is it. We are together now, and nothing, no one will ever come between us." Truth. She was definitely telling the truth, this was it, she would not change her mind ever.

"But Rachel, it's just that…. Damn, I hate that you are a mind reader. Not really hate, wrong word, but it's just damned spooky! I just want to formalize all that you're telling me. Is that bad, to want to sign that paper?" Finn replied.

"No, of course not. And I'll try my best not to spook you with my still emerging psychic abilities in the future. But I don't see the problem with waiting, it's not that I don't want to be married to you, it's that my dads want this humungous wedding and I don't have time for that right now, I need to focus on my play and you need to focus on your work too… But if signing a paper is so important to you, we can do a post-it marriage like on Grey's Anatomy…"

"What?" Finn said looking frustrated and confused. "What are you talking about post-its?"

Rachel now kissed his hands and gave him the sad puppy look.

"Forget it baby, I know that you don't watch much TV. If it's that important to you, let's just elope, not tell anyone, and we'll have the big wedding brouhaha later. I love you, and I it is my mission in life to make you happy." Now she was giving him a 100 watts smile. Finn melted right then and there.

"Really, you're willing to marry me now, it's just the wedding planning that's stopping you?" He still couldn't believe nor process what she was saying. He suddenly felt like a desperate chick giving an ultimatum.

"Yes, Finn, let's get married now, tomorrow, whenever. We just can tell anyone or my dads will certainly kill me before killing themselves! You know how they are, if they found out that they weren't invited to the ceremony, they would die of sorrow…"

Finn held her tightly. He would not become a desperate chick. It was fine like that, she was right. As long as he knew she was into this as much as he, he was okay. That, and he didn't wanted be eaten alive by Rachel's dads. He knew very well where Rachel got her dramatic streak.

"You know, you're right. We can wait, I don't want to upset anyone by doing this secretely. We'll wait." he said. "Now, what the hell were you talking about post-its?..."

And that was the end of their discussion.

* * *

The wedding took place a year and a half later, on New York, of course.

Rachel never suspected Shelby would be so involved, in fact, she turned wedding planner extraordinaire, and ran everything with the same presicion and discipline she ran Vocal Adrenaline. Mr. Shue (it was still akward for her to call him Will even thoug he was married to her mom now) had taken a year off McKinley to star on a local production of Le Mis, and had left the glee club on the very capable hands of a now famous Mercedes, who had come in third place in American Idol a year ago. She always thought she wanted to be a superstar but she actually hated loosing her privacy and having to withstand all sort of gossip and criticism from everyone, so had gone back to Lima and had worked for a year with Mr. Shue, and surely enough they won Nationals again. Mercedes found a new love in coaching, and she made sure her kids worked their asses off, she was a natural. Now Mr. Shue was alternating between the play and Beth, since Shelby was always busy with all the wedding stuff.

It was a BIG wedding, Rachel was now well recognized after she won a Tony for best performance by a leading actress on a musical, so People Magazine wanted to feature it exclusively, they were even going to pay them for it, enough money to cover the entire wedding! So Shelby and Rachel's dads went all out.

Of course, money was no object for Finn and Rachel. She earned good money in Broadway, even more after the Tony, and Finn made even more. After he moved to New York, hauling all his belongings packed tight on his Prius, which he still used, he was offered various gigs, and he was paid extremely well to do back up drums in case the drummer of a big, super famous band wasn't able to play. He was on call constantly but had never appeared on a show, although they used him on their last record, and his name was included on the back cover in tiny print.

Six hundred people were invited to the wedding, which was to be held on the beach front property of her director in the Hamptons, a house that was more like a resort. Even though Rachel wanted an open air ceremony in Central Park, everyone else insisted that wedding pictures with the ocean as background were better, and Rachel had conceded. After all, she just wanted to get married, she didn't care if it was in City Hall or the Hamptons.

* * *

She was eerily calm on the days before the wedding. So everyone was freaking out that she was so calm, something had to be wrong with her.

"What's up with you, girl, I thought you would be a bridezilla from hell!" Mercedes said on her bachelorette party. Only a bunch of friends, including Shelby had gone to the city to celebrate Rachel's last night of being single, although she had felt un-single ever since Finn moved inn. She just wanted to go to a very famous Karaoke bar and sing her lungs out and get a little drunk.

"How come you're so calm, honey? I'm freaking out here and there you are just so cool and composed, I just don't understand, help me out here, please!" Shelby said while the first round of drinks was being served. Rachel took a sip of her pomegranate martini (she liked sweet, girly, gay drinks) before responding.

"Well, I don't wasn't to sound corny, but I'm really sure of what I'm doing, I love him, he loves me, and we're happy, so I don't see the need to freak out or get nervous."

Tina, who along with Mercedes had her first drink in the hotel and was a little too happy already blurted out "But Rachel, you and Finn are like, sooooo different! Don't get me wrong here, I love Finn, I loooove Finn, you know that, and yes you belong together, but you are so different…"

Rachel finished her drink in one big gulp before answering.

"I know, we are different, but I actually like that. It would be so boring to like the same things, to watch the same TV programs, to listen to the same music, read the same books… We'd had nothing to talk about! Yuck, I cannot imagine living like that, our differences are what make our relationship work, what makes it interesting!" Lie. Sometimes Finn exasperated her, he knew little of all the things she liked, and she hated having to explain everything to him like he was a little boy. But that was ok with her. What he lacked in musical and theater knowledge he made up so charmingly, it was really ok. And she loved him. She knew exactly who he was when he proposed and she never pretended to change him. He was who he was and she loved him like that. A pizza and beer guy, but he was hers. Completely. She never doubted him for a second, she knew he was loyal and faithful to her. She knew he would never turn to Mr. Hyde or break her heart, she felt unconditionally loved. And that was good enough for her.

"And the sex is awesome!" she added blushing. Truth. Finn was very good. Very very good.

Two hours and several drinks later, Rachel was singing "Don't Rain on my Parade" and channeling her inner Barbra to perfection, and everyone on the bar was cheering and applauding and asking for more. Alcohol had turn them all, including Shelby and Kurt into divas, and they all took they turn at the mic. All of them were spectacular, and suddenly the bar was full to capacity, and the crowd turned into the divas' adoring fans, especially Rachels'. They were frantic, and the divas loved it.

They all sang "Don't Stop Believing", "Don't let the Sun go Down on Me", "Hotel California", "Paradise by the Dashboard Light", "American Pie" and the ABBA medley that had won Nationals on their senior year.

Rachel was wasted. She lost count of the martinis she had downed, not to mention all the group shots they had done. And suddenly she started freaking out.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm getting married. What the fuck am I doing, oh my gooooood!". Rachel was cursing. Now Shelby was worried. Shelby just got to the restroom to answer a phone call when Rachel busted in dramatically.

"Sweetie was going on?" she said, putting the phone aside and her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "Look at me Rachel, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything!. This is insane mom, insane! I'm gonna marry Finn and be with him FOREVER, FOREVER! FINN HUDSON! I'm going to be Rachel Berry Hudson, that doesn't even sound right does it? Finn is great you know, he is a good guy who watches too much football, but he is good to me mom. He loves me. But forever? Oh my god! What the hell am I doing!" Rachel said now bursting into tears.

"Oh baby, come over here" Shelby was now holding her sobbing daughter and stroking he hair.

"I hate myself so much, I'm disgusting! I'm a horrible, horrible person" Rachel said between whimpers.

Once the sobs subsided a little, she asked her "Sweetie, what is REALLY going on?"

"I'm a horrible person 'cuz I'm about to get married to the love of my life and I can't stop thinking of him, mom, all those cheesy songs were for him, mom… After all this years I still want to be with him, to hear his voice, to hold him, feel his touch, smell his hair…" She was no longer crying, she was now pensively looking at the floor now.

"Of course you will honey, and it's perfectly normal to feel that way, that's why you are getting married. Why are you saying that you are horrible person? I don't understand…"

"Not him, mom, I'm not talking about Finn" Rachel interrupted calmly and looking suddenly sober.

"It's Jesse… Jesse… I wish I was with Jesse..." whispered Rachel before loudly emptying the contents of her stomach all over the floor, soiling her and Shelby's shoes on the way.

"Take me home now, I wanna be home" Rachel said.

Shelby was astonished as she walked Rachel out of the restroom, she could not believe her ears. Rachel still had feelings for Jesse? No way, she was sure she was over him! She just hoped that it was the alcohol talking and her daughter wouldn't remember her drunk ramblings the next day. She was sure she would not remember a thing.

And then she remembered. She had already answered her phone when Rachel got there, and she just left the phone on the side of the sink. She panicked, and silently hoped she had hung up before all of Rachel's drunken drama unfolded. She ran to the restroom, and thankfully her phone was still there, and the call had ended. She checked the last call. "Crap" she said to herself. The call had lasted seven minutes and forty two seconds. He heard everything. Jesse had heard everything.

* * *

**Reviews, please? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews. I posted this story twice, with Finn and Rachel and the Rachel and Jesse as characters, since it contains both Finn and Jesse. So sorry for the stupid title of the story posted here, I'll try to fix that. Seeing that I'm not exactly popular with the Finchel crowd, I guess I'll stop updating that story and just keep up with St. Berry. I used to love Finn even though he was a spaz, and was mean to Rachel. But then Jesse appeared and I just fell in love with St. Berry.**

**This chapter is still Finchel, and I have a feeling you will like it and hate it at the same time …**

**Good news for those of you who want updates: This story is almost complete; I just wanted to see if anybody liked it before posting the whole thing. But now I kind of like the suspense of making you wait for an update, so I'm turning evil and I'll make you suffer and beg for more! Just kidding, I'll update soon again!**

**Finally, I reread the previous chapters and found typos that made me cringe. I'll be very careful this time. Even though English is not my first language, I hate typos in any language, so you are welcome to point out any typos that you may find in subsequent chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 – RACHEL GETTING MARRIED**

RACHEL got up at 6:30p am, the same time she awoke every day, but today she had a killer headache.

"Ow…." She whispered as she got out of bed and the pain got worse. Her stomach was also upset. "Dear god, what's that smell!"

It was her hair, it smelled like puke and alcohol and cigarettes. Rachel ran to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up once more. At least that relieved the sourness on her stomach a little, but she could not withstand the smell of vomit. She started a hot shower and got in, shampooed her hair profusely and soaped herself everywhere up to her eyeballs. Once she felt clean, she put the cute dress she had worn the night before, along with her shoes and even her underwear on a plastic bag and threw it out into the hall. She would make sure it got to trash soon, everything in there was filthy. She felt better already as she popped two Tylenol into her now impeccably clean mouth. It was her wedding day and her teeth needed to be perfect. She would skip the workout today.

Then she looked at herself in the mirror for the first time. Her eyes were a little puffy, but nothing else revealed how wasted she had gotten last night. Suddenly she felt uneasy… All she remembered about last night was singing her heart out and having a blast with the girls. But there was something else that was making her uneasy… Probably the fact that she had never consumed so much alcohol in her life, and she was certain she would never drink like that again.

"Whatever" she said cheerily to herself before brushing her hair. Today was her wedding day and she couldn't be happier.

She didn't remember a thing.

It was around 7:30 am when she received her first text from Finn. He had a mean hangover, but was basically very happy that their wedding day had arrived.

"I love you and will do everything in my power to make you happy. You are amazing, I'll see you later!" was his last text at 10:00 am. Rachel smiled and did not feel the need to reply.

She was having some coffee and a panini in the small kitchen upstairs, since the rest of the house was bustling with activity and everything from flowers to cases of wine were being delivered. She just needed some quiet before the madness started.

Shelby stormed in looking for Rachel. She had looked for her everywhere when she got up, and could not find a trace of her daughter. The girls were also looking for her, a herd of hung-over zombies running through the house. Even the bed where she slept was turned, and Shelby feared the worst.

"Rachel, what are you doing here! I've been looking for you everywhere!" she said with relief.

"Mom, where else could I be, it is insane down there! I just wanted to eat something before I went for makeup and hair!" Rachel replied.

"Oh, thank god you're here, I was afraid that… Never mind, I'm just so nervous! If I'm like this, your dads must be walking holding paper bags to their faces!" She changed the subject subtly; she was also a good actor. "I overslept, and I feel like my head will explode any minute! Do you have something for headaches?"

"As a matter of fact I do. They're on the pink make-up bag that's inside of my big brown bag. I put it in the closet this morning after making the bed." Rachel answered.

"Honey, how can you look so fresh when you were so completely wasted last night?"

"Well, I felt a little bad this morning but after a nice shower, two Tylenol and two gallons of water later I feel as good as new!" Rachel quipped.

"All that and the fact that you are 24. You could have downed four gallons of vodka and still look good, I have three glasses of wine and I look and feel like hell the next morning… Just wait till you are 43!"

"Please mom, you had more than three glasses of wine…"

"I'm talking figuratively here, honey. If you would have downed four gallons of vodka you wouldn't be here… Do you remember getting here?" Shelby asked cautiously (Please, please, please dear god, don't let her remember...)

"No, I'm afraid I don't. Last thing I remember was singing ABBA with you guys… Wait, oh my, no, not possible" Rachel said while panicking. "Did I do anything stupid, mom, like standing on top of the bar or something…"

"No, of course you didn't, you just had a good time, and nothing foolish happened". Phew.

Shelby left Rachel with the girls and went to get ready to boss everyone around. She was incredibly relieved that Rachel didn't remember, she would be mortified if she did.

* * *

Shelby got the text at around 3:00 pm, two hours before the ceremony was due to start. She was expecting it, she knew him too well, like if he was her own son.

"We need to talk" he texted her.

"Not now, please, not today" she texted back.

"Now, Shelby, come out or I'll go in there"

"Where are you"

"I'm outside. Inside your car."

Shelby panicked, this was not happening, he couldn't possibly get from California to New York so fast. Still, she walked outside, giving everyone that asked her where she was going some lame excuse. When she got to the 10 car garage where her car was, she saw him leaning into her car.

"Hi" he simply said.

"Jesse, are you out of your mind, what are you doing here?" Shelby had never been more upset in her life. (This is not happening, this is NOT happening- she kept telling herself)

"You know I had to come Shelby. She still loves me. There's still hope."

"No Jesse, there is no hope, she was drunk, she doesn't even remember"

"Shelby please …."

"Don't you Shelby please me! Don't you dare, Jesse!" She was enraged now, screaming at him so loudly that Jesse had to look down.

Tears were streaming down both their faces, and they just stood there looking at each other for a long time.

"You know how I feel about her, Shelby. I had not a sliver of hope until last night… You know I promised I would keep my distance, and I kept my promise. I always watched from afar. It was all that I could do, they just looked so happy. The way she looks at him had me convinced that there was no hope. But last night…" Jesse wiped his eyes. "What am I doing here Shelby?"

It was the first time she saw Jesse cry. She hoped it would be the last. He just looked broken, her proud, talented boy was tearing up inside. And it was breaking her heart. She went over to him and hugged him tightly, feeling his silent sobs. How ironic life was, just last night she was holding her daughter crying over him, and now she was holding her son crying for her. Just downright cruel.

After a while, she broke the silence.

"Jesse, I'm sorry, but you need to go. If you really love her you have to go and let her be happy. It might be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but you have to let her go, she loves Finn and couldn't live with herself if something happened today. Let. Her. Go. I beg you…"

"I know… I'd never do anything to make her uncomfortable or unhappy ever again, that's why I've kept my distance. But there is just no point. It has no sense anymore…." He said looking down.

"What has no sense anymore, Jesse." She feared he would do something stupid.

"Life, Shelby, there's just no sense to life anymore. I hate my life."

"Please Jesse…" She begged.

"Don't worry Shelby, I'm not that stupid. I'm not about to jump in front of a bus now. I hate my life, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to end it, that would be too easy…"

He leaned forward and kissed Shelby's forehead.

"I'm sorry, you know. This is all my fault. I made you do what you did, it is because of me that you are so miserable…"

"No Shelby, I'm the only one responsible for what I did, at least let me own that. It's the only thing that's keeping me from going in there and telling her that I love her more than life itself, even if I go straight to hell after that…." He was composed now, the broken boy morphing into the cool, confident, and pretentious guy everybody knew. "I guess this is goodbye Shelby, I might be out of touch for a while, but don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

Shelby just stood there frozen, she didn't even notice when Jesse left. Her vibrating cell took her out of her trance, and she breathed deeply, cleaned he face on her sleeve, brushed her hair with her fingers, put on her best showface, and left. She needed that showface today more than ever, and showfaces were what she did best.

* * *

Rachel got a text from an unidentified number around 4:00 pm. She thought about not opening it, but did so anyway. Only a handful of people had her private number.

"I only hope he makes you happy, and that he loves you as much as you deserved to be loved."

"What the hell is this…" She was confused. Who could have send her this text? She read it again, and turned off her cell. She was about to get married and here she was reading texts…

Never in her wildest dreams would Rachel would suspect that it was from Jesse.

* * *

Rachel's dads were crying. Not sobbing hysterically, but the tears were definitely there. Their baby was getting married and she looked like an angel.

"So what do you think?" Rachel asked when she let her dads finally see her, all dressed up and ready to go. "Do I look like a big meringue pie?"

"You are a vision from heaven, darling. You are perfect!" replied Leroy.

"Get over here!" said Hiram, his voice breaking.

The three of them just held each other for a long time, and even the photographer from People teared up.

Rachel felt like the luckiest girl in the world. She had the best family she could ever hope for, the best friends, the best job and the perfect guy. When she walked down the aisle with her dads at her sides and saw Finn standing there she could not contain the tears that had been threatening to come out all day. The way that he was looking at her reminded her of the day when they got engaged. He just stood there looking insanely handsome in his tuxedo, with the same big lopsided grin she adored.

"Thank you, God" she thought. She was immensely grateful. Her life was good. She loved her life.

* * *

**Awww, please stop the flames, it will get better, I promise! St Berry is just around the corner, I just needed to add a little angst!**

** Please review, this is my first fic ever!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Not yet St. Berry but getting there. I'm positively sure that you will like this one. There's not much dialogue in this chapter, as I'm getting in Rachel's head… Enjoy! And please review! Those few reviews I've gotten have already made my day!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 4 – LIFE GOES ON (DOESN'T IT?)**

RACHEL AND FINN moved to a bigger apartment the following summer. Too big for Rachel, as a matter of fact. A four bedroom, four bathroom apartment with a terrace and a wonderful view in New York was the equivalent of owning half of Lima. But they needed to invest their money and apparently it was the time to get real estate in NY.

Granted, their apartment was always full, there was always someone from Lima staying there for whatever reason. But Rachel didn't mind, Fin was on the road a lot and she kind of liked the company. She also had her own room, with a big piano (she had developed a fondness for piano and learned how to play it very well) and all of her videos, records and books. She even had a sofa that belonged to Barbra Streisand that she cherished as her most valuable possession. Finn called it the music room, even though his drums weren't allowed in the vicinity of that room. He initially played there, but once Rachel got home and found Finn asleep all over HER sofa with his shoes on, a can of soda on top of her beloved piano with no coaster, an opened pizza box on the floor, an NFL game blasting on her new TV, and just a big mess all around. She almost fibrillated at the sight, and from then on Finn the room was almost forbidden to him. She loved her room, and when Finn was not around, she just spent hours and hours there.

Other than the fact that Finn was a slob and Rachel was not, their marriage was good. After five years together, they still held hands when they went out, they still laughed together a lot, and they loved each other very much. Rachel was very protective of her relationship with Finn, and so was he, and even though Rachel was famous now, they were never tabloid fodder; they were private and boring to the outside world.

Finn had been touring for the last year and a half with the band of his dreams a lead drummer ever since the son of Rock God Supreme Edddie Van Halen had to go to rehab, and now he was no longer a back up. He couldn't be happier, he had Rachel and was touring with Van Halen, he always said he could die right then a very happy man.

He made oodles of money, but he let Rachel manage that, she was the one in charge of their finances. Once he bought his mom and Kurt's dad the beautiful lake side house his mom had always wanted, he was ok. He also helped Rachel set up a fund to teach arts and music to public schools that could not afford an arts program, and they also contributed to build a bigger and better auditorium for McKinley High.

Rachel was taking a break from Broadway, she had performed there for almost seven straight years and even though she loved it, she was exhausted and needed a little break. She was seriously considering an offer to be a judge on a program that was an improved version of American Idol, called Star Factory. Her sister Beth pestered her constantly to accept, and her dads and Shelby also encouraged her to make the switch from Broadway to TV. Her only concern was that it was the same program that had catapulted Jesse St. James to superstardom on its first season, and she was afraid that being in LA meant that she could run into Jesse anytime. New York was hers, but by accepting that job, she would be invading Jesse's territory, and Rachel was sure she did not want to navigate those waters.

She was happy and in love with Finn, no one made her feel more comfortable and safe. Whenever she was asked why she knew that Finn was the one, she answered that it was because she felt safe and relaxed with him, there was no relationship drama and she was able to focus on her career instead of obsessing about the relationship.

But after 14 years, she still felt that feeling in her chest whenever his name was mentioned, or whenever she saw him on one of those magazines her publicist made her read because she needed to stay current. She had managed to avoid hearing about him for a long time, but he was so famous now that it was almost impossible. So that feeling was on her chest a lot. Jesse even invited Shelby along with Beth and Will to be his escorts to the Oscars last year. Shelby had asked Rachel before accepting, she didn't want to make her daughter uncomfortable. But Rachel had no problem with that, she was actually quite touched and pleased by his gesture, she knew that Shelby was practically the only family he had, and Beth called him Uncle Jesse.

Rachel felt guilty every time she felt her chest contract at the mere mention of Jesse's name, she never felt that with Finn. But she had convinced herself that every love is different, and that if she had to choose, she would choose Finn over Finn a million times. Not that she thought he could ever want her, and now that he was uber-famous, Rachel was sure that he wouldn't even remember her name.

She also convinced herself that she need not feel guilty about those dreams of Jesse, she was certain that she could not control her dreams, and besides, they were only occasional dreams.

* * *

The first night she dreamt of Jesse was right after she came back from her honeymoon. She was on the same bed she shared with Finn, but it was Jesse next to her, and she just went on top of him and started kissing him passionately, while Jesse pulled her closer and touched her all over. "I love you so much Rachel…." He would whisper into her ear "I love you. I love you...", and his voice sent shivers all over her body. "I love you too, Jesse, I've always loved you." She could touch him, smell him, feel him, and the dream was so real that Rachel woke up next to a sleeping Finn all bothered and wet. She just took a cold shower and tried to erase the memories that felt so real to her, she thought she was being unfaithful to Finn. That feeling lasted until the second time she dreamt about Jesse, which was definitely to Finn's advantage.

Rachel dreamt that she was straddling Jesse while he touched her everywhere, and the sex they were having in that dream was so hot that she actually woke up Finn and also straddled him, and thus Finn ended up having the hottest sex of his life thanks to Jesse.

"Oh baby, what has gotten over you, that was amazing! You can wake me up like that ANYTIME you want…" Finn had said in his post orgasmic stupor, while Rachel closed her eyes and pretended he was still Jesse.

She had these erotic dreams of Jesse at least once a week, and they were so real that she still felt that feeling in her chest the next day. Finn loved being woken up by horny Rachel, when his sweet wife would turn into a sexy vixen and leave him exhausted. If he only knew… But he never found out the reason for Rachel's midnight passion, he just enjoyed getting it, and when he was away on tour, the memories from those nights were enough to sustain him, if you know what I mean. He tried to get Rachel to do all those things other times, but it just happened whenever she wanted it to happen, and as long as he was getting it, he was okay with that. He had tried to convince her to have phone sex with him, but she thought it was gross.

Those were the only times she thought of Jesse, and fantasized about him. And she did not feel guilty that she was pretending Finn was Jesse, because she knew Finn was enjoying it way too much. And that was that. Only Rachel Berry and a handful of mortals had the discipline of not daydreaming about unattainable things. Or people.

* * *

"He has to be gay. No one is so good looking and single. They say he is a womanizer but I think it's all a show because he is really gay…" her publicist said as he handed her the pack of magazines. Jesse was on the cover of People as the sexiest man alive, shirtless and beautiful.

"No Paul, I don't think he's gay, so stop fantasizing about him, I hear he is straight as a stick." She replied while scorning herself for the bad analogy.

Her publicist just laughed, Rachel would never change and he loved her for that. Not many actors stayed as grounded as Rachel, and Paul concluded that she had no idea of how famous she was now. "Well Rach, maybe that's why they call him Iron Man.." he said. "By the way, your husband is there too…."

"No way, gimme that!" She yanked the magazines from his hands.

"Rachel, darling, we have to talk about Star Factory…" said Paul cautiously.

"Later Paul, I need to pick up my mom from the airport in an hour" she interrupted him. No way she was having that conversation now.

"But why didn't you tell me? We still have time to send the car…"

"For crying out loud Paul, it's my mom! I'm sure I can pick her up from the airport without scratching a nail!" Rachel interrupted again.

She retreated to her music room once Paul left, and locked the door behind her even though Finn was playing in Phoenix that night. Hmmm, she thought, maybe he is gay… But no, Shelby would have told her, and she'd seen him on countless magazines with countless different women, mostly beautiful models and actresses.

She looked at the article in People, where there were several pictures of Jesse, and she looked for Finn. She could not believe he made the sexiest men list and forgot to tell her! No one told her! Finn's picture and article was right next to Jesse's, where a small square indicated that both were from Ohio. Finn looked very handsome with a black shirt and holding drumsticks, she felt warm and proud that he was hers. But Jesse didn't look only handsome, he was just breathtakingly beautiful, like a greek god. His green blue eyes deep and mysterious, his demeanor serious. She rarely saw him smiling on a picture, only in her dreams.

She sighed and finished looking at the magazines, put them in a big envelope and gave it to her assistant to mail to Shelby, Beth and Will, they loved reading all that junk. She just kept the one were Finn was chosen as one of the sexiest men alive.

* * *

After dinner and a movie, Will had fallen asleep in front of the TV, and Beth couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and had to go to bed. She idolized Rachel and was following her footsteps by being the lead singer of New Directions, and Mercedes was doing her job beautifully.

After saying goodnight to Finn on the phone, Shelby and Rachel went into her music room, the only place where she knew she wouldn't be disturbed.

"Why don't you want to go to LA, Rachel? You are lucky to be getting an opportunity like this, and you should not waste it" Shelby stated up front. She was not one to beat around the bush.

"I knew this coming…." Rachel answered rolling her eyes.

"And don't tell me it is because of Jesse. It's a big city Rachel, and you know Jesse will leave for Italy soon to film his next movie. He'll probably stay there for half a year."

"Italy? No, I didn't know…"

Shelby knew Jesse was a delicate subject for Rachel, but it was about time they both got over it.

"Life goes on, sweetie. Let it go already, you're happily married and you'll be ok. Sometimes when you face the monster you realize he's not so scary, and that it was all in your mind."

"Ok, I'll think about it, but it will be Finn's decision. Forget facing the monster, if I'm going to plunge in his territory it won't be my choice, it will be Finn's."

"Great, I think you're making the right choice. Let Finn decide then." Shelby said. Finn was so easy to convince that she might as well help Rachel start packing for LA.

* * *

The next few months went by in a whirlwind. They had moved to LA, Rachel started the show, Finn was still with the band, coming and going all the time. At first Rachel thought she could not leave New York, but once she got to LA her perspective changed dramatically. She fell in love with LA fast, just as she had done with New York more than ten years ago. LA's weather was just perfect; she had a beautiful beach, mountains… She could be on the beach on the morning and go ice skiing at night, California was just wonderful. Not that she would ever do that, but just knowing she could was amazing.

And she couldn't imagine she would love TV so much, it was so different from theater, even though she was doing a live show. She was being pampered beyond recognition: fabulous clothes and shoes, manicures, pedicures, spas… She was starting to like the spoiled star life. She would spend two hours having her makeup and hair done, and looked as natural as if she just had put on lipstick, even though her face was plastered with makeup.

And she loved the show. Being able to guide aspiring stars was marvelous, she was in heaven.

Until she got that call.

They wanted her to present an award at the Golden Globes. Along with Jesse St. James.

**Bua ha ha ha! (evil laughter). Even though the story was finished, I keep tweaking it and adding new stuff, and I'm seriously liking it! I guess I like future fics of these two because both characters need to grow up and get over themselves in order for a relationship to really work. I promise I'll update soon if I get nice reviews! So review, please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for the nice reviews, I'll keep updating as long as you keep those reviews coming! : ) This story is taking longer than I expected: it was already written but it keeps changing with every chapter. And I have good news: St. Berry has arrived! Enjoy!**

**CHAPTER 5 – REMEMBERING JESSE ST. JAMES**

"WHAT are we doing next week?"

"Come on Shelby, don't tell me you forgot we promised Mercedes and Beth that we would help them with the arrangements for Regionals!" Will replied.

"I'm sure Mercedes can handle it by herself, and Beth can stay with her for a few days…"

"Wait, what? What are you saying?" Now Will was confused.

"Rachel has been asked at the last minute to present an award at the Globes…"

"Great, but we can leave Friday…" interrupted Will.

"Please let me finish. She has to present the award with Jesse..."

That was all the information Will Shuester needed to process the Shelby's somber stance.

"Do you want me to go with you, or do you want to go by yourself?"

"I want you to be with me, but it wouldn't be fair for Beth, she's worked so hard. So I guess you should stay with Beth and I'll go to Rachel".

"As you wish, honey" Will said tenderly as he gave her a quick peck on her lips. After all the years they'd been together, their passion was very much alive. So Shelby pulled him to her for a proper kiss.

"Oh gross, why me…" Beth complained as she entered the kitchen.

"Oh get over yourself, kid." She said before kissing her husband quickly again. "Will, can you tell her the new plans? I need to pack."

* * *

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't mind? You are MY wife now, and I trust you completely." Half-truth. He did trust Rachel, but that prick Jesse… "So when does Shelby get here" he asked changing the subject.

"We're picking her up tonight".

"Crap" Finn thought, it was his last night with Rachel for a while, as he was going on tour tomorrow. He hated that he had to go on tour and could not be with her that night. And once Shelby got here he knew that Rachel would spend the night talking to her mom. Maybe he could get lucky later…

He ended going to pick Shelby by himself, since Rachel had suddenly come up with a stomach bug or something, and was alternating her time between bed and bathroom.

Shelby knew that it was no stomach flu, she knew that it was just her daughter's reaction whenever she was nervous.

"I knew something like this would happen, mom, that's why I didn't want to come to LA in the first place". Rachel said nervously.

"Get a grip, honey. This was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm amazed it's been this long, considering how frequently I see him."

"You have to tell me about him mom, I need to know what to expect. Does he ever talk about me? Does he even remember me? Will he recognize me at rehearsals?" she asked anxiously.

This was going to be very hard. She had never seen her composed daughter so worried, not on her first night on Broadway, not on her wedding day. The only time she remembered seeing Rachel like this was on that drunken rant during her bachelorette party. She always figured that her daughter still felt a little something for Jesse, but she never imagined that fourteen years later her confident daughter would turn into a bundle of nerves just because she was going to face him. This wouldn't be easy at all.

"I'll be with you the whole time at rehearsals. And I'll be someplace where you can see me during the actual show and focus on me. You're an excellent actor, Rachel, you can do this."

"I know, I know…"

That night Rachel had her most vivid dream of Jesse yet.. She was looking at herself in her dressing room mirror at the Globes, and he appeared behind her, wrapping his arms around her and looking at her through the mirror.

"Jesse…"

"Rachel" he replied while nuzzling her neck and holding her tighter. She turned around and kissed him on the lips, tentatively at first, until he pulled her closer and started kissing her hungrily. Never breaking the kiss, he positioned Rachel on the small table under the mirror, and made love to her again. "I love you… I love you…" he kept repeating like a mantra.

When Rachel awoke she was sweating, her camisole (and underwear) drenched… But this time she did not wake Finn. She could not do this anymore, not to Finn and certainly not to herself. She showered and tried to force sleep, but she couldn't, so she went into her room (which in LA seemed more like a NY loft) to watch "The Way We Were". Only Barbra could make her feel better right now.

Shelby couldn't sleep either. She felt responsible for this mess. And now there was nothing she could do, Rachel was happily married. She regretted not telling Rachel about Jesse's visit on her wedding day, but she never suspected her feelings for Jesse were so strong. Her poor baby had been pretending that she didn't care about Jesse all these years…

Finn woke Rachel up with a kiss. She had fallen asleep on her room, watching TV, something she had never done before in her life. "Hey" she said.

"I have to go baby, I just wanted to say goodbye" he said before kissing her again. "You'll be fine, Shelby's here, now you won't have to go alone".

She just looked at him tenderly.

"Don't forget to break a leg. I love you!" he said before kissing her one last time and walking out the door.

"I know" she answered so softly she didn't think he heard her. She just had this uneasy sense of déjà vu after what he said, going back to that night of their first Regionals, where he had told her he loved her for the first time. "I love you too".

* * *

"Oh dear. You look spectacular. Please kidnap your stylist and never let her go." her mom said when she saw her.

"You look great yourself, mom".

It was true, Shelby was still a bombshell at 47. "Only thanks to you your stylist" she said.

"We have go" she said while holding Rachel's hand. "Everything will be alright."

Rachel looked beautiful, her hair was now shorter, her clothes and makeup refined, but she still had that ingénue look that many actresses at Hollywood worked very hard to get. But not Rachel, she was a natural. And she was grateful that her daughter seemed calm and composed, or maybe it was just that she inherited her knack for showfaces… Either way, she looked calm and collected, and that was very good.

They got there early, since Shelby knew that although Jesse was never late, he always managed to arrive at precisely the exact time.

The producers were instantly charmed by Rachel and Shelby, and they were going over her dialogue when she saw him with the corner of her eye. Shelby saw him first and went to him.

"Shelby, what a pleasant surprise!" Jesse said while giving her a bear hug. The producers looked confused, since they thought she was Rachel's mom. They never suspected that the two stars knew each other. Rachel shivered at the sound of his voice.

"You have nothing to fear" he said as if reading Shelby's mind.

"Good." She simply replied.

Then the producers greeted and introduced themselves, but he couldn't take his eyes of Rachel the whole time. She was giving him a full "Julia Robert's at the end of Notting Hill" smile.

"Hi" she said shyly.

"Hi" he replied walking to her. He didn't know how to properly greet her, so he was about to extend his hand when Rachel opened her arms.

She could see that he was as nervous as she was, and that made her feel better. She decided a small hug would be proper, and opened her arms slightly. He went to her and accepted her embrace. Only it wasn't a small hug. At first Rachel just put her arms politely on his shoulders, but when his hands at her waist pulled her closer, her own hands went around his neck, and they embraced tightly. She touched his hair and inhaled his scent, and she could feel his heart beating faster than hers. She could have sworn he was also smelling her hair, and then she felt everyone's eyes on them, and decided to pull back.

"Hi again" he said again smiling sheepishly at her, and he placed a small kiss on her cheek, before letting her go. She loved that smile, and she couldn't help but smile back. The earth didn't shatter, and she was still standing there, so things were ok. For the moment, it felt as if nothing had ever happened between them, and fourteen years hadn't gone by.

"I didn't know they knew each other" one of the producers told Shelby.

"They were both in showchoirs back in Ohio." was all that Shelby offered.

Rachel and Jesse rehearsed their dialogue like old friends, no tension was palpable between them, and Shelby was incredibly relieved.

When they finished, Jesse walked with them to where their car was waiting. It was a miracle he didn't fall, since his eyes were on Rachel's the whole time.

He hugged Shelby, who was supposed to go first in the car. But she decided to let Rachel in first, not taking any chances from goodbye dramas.

Jesse again kissed Rachel on the cheek, and just held her hand for a second, his touch sending a jolt through Rachel. "See you Saturday" he said before she got into the car and smiled at him once more.

Phew. They survived. Shelby felt that a 5 ton weight had been lifted from her, she was expecting a dramatic showoff, but everything went smoothly.

"So, how was facing the monster, sweety? No big deal, huh?"

"Not at all, not at all" Rachel replied.

But the way she was smiling, with her mouth and her eyes and her entire being scared Shelby. She had NEVER seen Rachel so happy. Now she was terrified.

Shelby tagged along with Rachel for the next days, as if afraid to let her be alone. Rachel was chirpy and talkative, and when she heard her talking to Finn or texting him during breaks, she was always smiling. It was confusing. So confusing in fact, that Shelby had to confront Rachel on Saturday, before the last rehearsal prior to the Globes.

"What's going on Rachel? You've been incredibly happy since you saw Jesse and you're freaking me out. And I don't want any BS, I want the truth, so speak."

Rachel liked the way her mom always got to the point.

"Nothing bad, mom, you can relax. It's just that all these years I guess I was avoiding Jesse because of what he did to me, and I thought that if I ever saw him his reaction would be dismissive and he would act like an asshole, like he usually does. But I was very surprised to see him so humbled and nice, it's like fame did him a favor. And I'm happy because you were right, I just needed to face the monster and let it go, I just never thought it would be this easy."

"So you have no feelings for him, you felt nothing when you saw him?"

"Mom, I'm married to Finn, and what I felt shouldn't matter."

Shelby knew that was the end of the conversation and left it there, still confused. Maybe Jesse could help her understand.

* * *

When they got to the theater, Jesse was already there. He was playing the piano and a small group had gathered around him to listen. Jesse saw them and got up immediately, kissing them both on the cheek.

"You're late" he said.

"No, were on time. You were just early…" Shelby said to the air, since Jesse had his eyes glued to Rachel and wouldn't stop smiling goofily.

"They're having technical problems, the stage lights are not working, so I was just killing time" he said as he sat again at the piano.

"What were you playing?" Rachel asked while sitting next to him naturally, as if it was a given that the spot next to him was saved for her.

"Oh, just something I composed years ago…" He said pensively as the music flowed.

"It's beautiful Jesse" she almost whispered.

Shelby proceeded to break the spell by saying "Oh, it's beautiful, but play something that we can sing!"

Jesse looked at her knowingly, nodded and told Rachel "Come on, Rach, for old time's sake. Sing with me". She just nodded smiling sheepishly like the first time they met.

Then he started playing "Great Balls of Fire" loudly and everyone started laughing.

After a few more notes, Jesse said "Ok, seriously, as cheesy as this next song may be, it literally changed my life, so here…" And he started playing the first notes of "Hello".

Everybody stood there hypnotized as Jesse sang those first notes to Rachel, never looking down, as if he'd played that song thousands of times and his hands could play it while he was sleeping.

At first Rachel held his gaze, but then she got nervous and joined him singing, alternating between looking at the crowd, at Shelby and at Jesse. He never took his eyes of her, not once, and they were singing with such passion, that more people gathered around them.

By the end of the song, Rachel could not keep her eyes off his, and their chemistry was almost palpable.

When they hit those last notes, that last "I love you", many had tears on their eyes, including Shelby and Rachel, who had a single tear falling down her cheek. Jesse cleaned it up softly with his fingers and kissed her forehead, while the crowd burst into applause.

They just looked at everybody smiling and as people were asking for another song, the stage lights turned on, and the spell was broken. It was time to go back to work.

Shelby was no longer confused, and she promised to herself she would never meddle between them again.

After the rehearsal was over, Jesse asked Shelby and Rachel to have coffee with him, but Shelby declined since they had no interest in being followed by paparazzi like he always was. Conceding that they were right, he said goodbye to Shelby and then Rachel.

"Thank you" he said after kissing her cheek once more.

"For what?" Rachel replied, but he just smiled and simply took Rachel's hand and planted a soft kiss in her palm. "See you tomorrow."

Rachel did not shower or washed her hands until the next day.

* * *

**So did you like it? Please let me know by reviewing and I'll keep those updates coming! I'm thinking on doing one from Jesse's POV, what do you think?**


	6. Chapter 6

**You are warned, someone will die on this chapter. And there is a lot of cursing at one point, lots of UST (unresolved sexual tension) and angst. But if you liked the previous chapters, you're going to loooove this one! Enjoy and please please please review!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6 – TWO AWARD SHOWS AND A FUNERAL**

RACHEL understood. She never felt like Jesse was coming on to her, she could see it in his eyes, he was looking for some sort of redemption. For the first time in fourteen years, she realized that maybe he regretted what he did to her, and that's why he was acting like that. She'd heard from everyone, except from Shelby, of course, that one of the reasons he was dubbed Iron Man was because he was impenetrable, no one could really know what he was thinking or feeling. He smiled little, but his performances were so amazing the world just adored him, and the fact that he was so damn hard to read and press shy just added to his mysterious aura. Rachel always thought that he was just being a pretentious asshole, like Finn called him whenever he referred to him, and that helped her dismiss whatever she was feeling after seeing his picture or accidentally watch him perform. But now it was different, she understood that it was all a shell, and that he was actually a good person- that's why Shelby loved him so much, like a son.

She held her palm to her face most of the night and occasionally to her lips, she also needed this redemption, it was bringing her that closure she had wanted for so long.

What Rachel didn't know was that Jesse had finally realized that all he needed to be happy was being with her, even though she belonged to someone else. Only Shelby had noticed this, and it also gave her a much needed release from all the guilt she had bottled up. She was certain that her Jesse would never do anything to hurt Rachel, including intervening on her marriage, because he just loved her more anything else.

* * *

Rachel and Shelby just stood there looking at themselves in the mirror. Rachel was holding her cell phone to the mirror so that Finn could appreciate what he was missing. They looked absolutely fabulous, and she could see Finn's reflection on the small cell screen smiling. "Babe, now I know where you got your looks! You both look HOT!"

"Eeeew, Finn, come on, that's my MOTHER!" she replied laughing.

"Well sweetie, we do look damn hot. Watch out Golden Globes, we're going to burn that red carpet!" Shelby said.

"Bye love" Finn said from his cell "Break a leg!"

It was the first time Rachel was attending an awards show in Hollywood, and the first time she'd be walking the red carpet without Finn by her side. But she was alright, she loved that she was going with Shelby, even though she knew her dads were a bit jealous.

When they got there they were immediately directed to the red carpet, where hundreds of photographers were gathered and several networks were conducting interviews. It was like the Tony's, but 10 times bigger.

She was on her second interview, which was on an elevated mini-stage, when she heard the roar of the fans seated at the bleachers. When she turned and saw the reason for the upheaval, Jesse St. James had arrived. Alone. And he was actually smiling and waving at the crowd, he even posed with a few screaming girls that were so hysterical it made him laugh even more.

That's when Rachel's interviewer, a cutthroat ass from E!, asked her:

"Rachel, you are presenting an award with Jesse St. James. Rumors are that you will be performing a duet tonight, is that true?"

"I can't tell you, it's a surprise!" And then the interviewer noticed Shelby, and recognized her face but couldn't tell from where.

"And who is the lovely lady with you tonight?"

"This is my mom, Shelby Corcoran!" Rachel said proudly. "My husband Finn is on tour. Hi honey!" she said as she blew him a kiss on the camera and waved her hand.

"And who are you wearing?"

"We're both wearing Marchessa" Rachel replied while showing off their beautiful couture gowns.

Then the interviewer saw that Jesse St. James was next in line for an interview, and invited him up.

"Come up here Jesse! I was asking your fellow presenter here what you were holding up your sleeves tonight.

"You know I can't tell you that" Jessie said. He couldn't take her eyes off Rachel, he had never seen her looking more beautiful.

When the producer of the interview saw Jesse smiling and nodding at Rachel he saw something odd, and told the interviewer on the mic "Ask them if they know each other".

"So, from where do you guys know each other?"

They both laughed nervously while looking at each other and were about to respond at the same time, but Jesse noticed and let her answer.

"Oh, we were just in the showchoir circuit back in Ohio"

Now the producer was very interested, he also recognized Shelby from somewhere, but they had to keep rolling, there was a line of impatient celebrities waiting to be interviewed. He knew he had something here, and was willing to go the distance for more information.

Rachel was so beautiful that Jesse sometimes had to look away from her, he didn't want any of what he was feeling to show through his clothes.

They were getting last minute touch ups in a dressing room and the makeup artists left once they were perfect to attend to someone else. Shelby was standing in a corner talking in her cell, and Rachel was looking at her reflection. Jesse stood very close to her and almost whispered "You're perfect…"

He was standing so close to her that his breath sent shivers all over Rachel. "Thanks" she said back. "You are beautiful Rachel" he said while placing his hands lightly on her waist. Rachel felt a strange déjà vu, from her last dream. This was all too real. They just stood there looking at each other's eyes through their reflection until she turned around. "So are you, Jesse." He had to look down or he would lose what was left of his resolve, she just smiled and pretended to adjust the bow of his tuxedo. "There, now you're perfect".

"Time to go" yelled someone from the door, both Jesse and Shelby grateful for the interruption. In a few minutes they would be presenting the award for best Picture, Comedy or Musical. The director wanted them to go out holding hands, and on rehearsals they went out holding hands, but it was more like a full hand grasp, since neither of them thought it was appropriate to push it too far. But tonight they just stood there, waiting for their cue by the stage door with their fingers entwined, looking at each other longingly, neither was smiling now. He took her hand and kissed it tenderly several times, never taking her eyes off hers. "You are lovely, Rachel…. I…" She didn't leave him finish what he what saying, and whispered his name while looking down "Jesse...". "I know, Rachel" he said while gently lifting her chin with his free hand and making her look at him again. Her eyes were begging him to stop. "I know." He said again, right before they got their cue to go onstage.

Showfaces on, they walked to the podium holding hands and presented the award perfectly.

Only a handful of people noticed their special connection: Finn, Shelby and the executive director of another show. He heard the rumors of them singing together and was relieved that they didn't do it at the Globes, since he absolutely had to have them sing at the Oscars.

* * *

Rachel was reluctant at first, this was getting a little too intense for her. She had an uneasy feeling that she couldn't shake off, and she sometimes felt like crying for no reason, which was very unusual for her, since she had such a great disposition. She would let Finn decide again, and he wanted her to do it, these were the Academy Awards. And given that he was finally on a break, he would go with her to all the rehearsals, which relieved her a bit, since lately she wasn't trusting herself alone with Jesse.

On their first meeting with to discuss their performance Jesse greeted Finn profusely, which surprised him a bit. They hadn't seen each other since college, and back then he was an arrogant asshole who looked down at everyone and looked perennially pissed. Rachel was telling the truth, he humbled down and looked somewhat happy.

"Your drums are fantastic Finn, I went to see the band the last time you guys were in LA and you almost outshined the master god supreme himself"

"Oh, come on… Thanks, you're not bad yourself, I hear your last tours were completely sold out".

Finn replied with enthusiasm. He'd been watching Jesse and he did not seem overly interested in Rachel, and that made him feel a lot better.

They would sing a medley of Barbra Streisand songs, since the awards were dedicated to her that year. Jesse and Rachel were beside themselves, things between them had cooled down a bit, maybe because Finn's presence was omnipresent. He did not leave Rachel's side for one second. Even Rachel was feeling a little bit caged herself, and was almost regretting asking Finn to be with her, but she recognized the dangers of being alone with Jesse and Barbra, so she complied grinning and bearing it.

And Rachel still had that nagging uneasy feeling, which was getting stronger each day.

Rachel and Jesse's chemistry onstage was undeniable, their voices and gestures complementing each other, the songs flowing perfectly. Not even Barbra herself was that good, joked the Director half-seriously. Those were the only times they let themselves go, the only times they got lost on each other, and it paid off.

Jesse could see that this was making Finn uneasy, so he tried to back off the rest of the time.

But he was there when Finn presented Rachel with the Aghayan dress inspired by Klimt owned by the one and only Barbra. It had been a hassle getting it, but they had found it and Rachel couldn't be happier. She would wear it to the Oscars.

Every time she felt Finn getting on her nerves, he did something extraordinary like this that made up for all his shortcomings. She could not deny that she still loved Finn very much, in spite of how unsettling Jesse's presence was becoming. She didn't know that the idea of getting the dress was suggested to Finn by Jesse himself, but she suspected something. She asked him during a break while rehearsing onstage if he knew about the dress.

"No, of course not" he replied.

"Come on Jesse, the idea of getting that exact dress had to be yours. Finn would've gotten me any Barbra dress, but only YOU would think of that specific one for me."

"Rachel, I swear I didn't know. Probably Shelby helped him, but believe me, I had nothing to do with that" he said, and nothing in his demeanor showed that he was lying. Rachel conceded that he was telling the truth, even though she really wanted it to be his idea. They didn't notice that their mics were on and Finn heard everything. That was the day in which Finn knew that Jesse had really changed, and he wanted only the best for Rachel, even if he was excluded. And that night, only three days before the Oscars, they went to celebrate with the cast and crew what they knew would be an outstanding success.

Nothing happened between Rachel and Jesse that night, since he was talking and laughing with Finn as if they were the best of friends. Seeing the two most important men of her life together like that made Rachel happy, and that uneasy feeling that had crept over her left for the night.

* * *

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Shelby said to the screen of her phone when she saw the image that Paul, Rachel's publicist, sent her, this could not be happening. Not again, not now that things were going so good for them. Mr. Shue was standing beside her looking at the same image. "Oh fuck" he also said, "How soon can you get there, Shelby?"

Shelby had instructed Paul not to tell Rachel anything, she would deal with the damage control. First she texted Finn and alerted him that she was getting there, something really bad was going to happen and Rachel needed her to be there.

Next she replied to the desperate message from Jesse, telling him to wait for her at the airport.

She was so mad she couldn't even think what to do, and just kept cursing to herself until she got to LA.

A car was waiting for her, she got in and found Jesse with his head down between his hands.

"Jesse" she said.

He looked up and she could see he had been crying, she could see the broken boy that almost ruined her daughter's wedding. But tonight he looked worse, his eyes were pleading and desperate. "What the fuck am I going to do now, Shelby? I'll never be able to fix this, she'll never forgive me. I don't know how the fuck I'm going to face her, if Finn doesn't kill me first. Fuck!" he said while punching the seat of the car.

"Jesse, calm down. I'm sure we can find a way to make her understand. There's got to be a solution to this, we just need to think straight. Tell the driver we're going to Rachel's place now."

Shelby had seen Jesse undone before, but not like this, this time she was really scared.

"Jesse, look at me. What's the worst that can happen?" She asked, already fearing the answer.

Jesse looked at her for a few seconds, while the tears flowed silently down his face.

"I don't think I'll be able to live without her. Not again, Shelby, not again…"

And for the first time in her life, Shelby ran out of words.

"Fuck Jesse, not now." Was Finn's reaction to the news. He couldn't bear to watch the video.

"Fuck. I don't even know how to tell her. She's been having this feeling lately, you know how she senses stuff. This will break her heart all over again." He wanted to kick Jesse's ass, but he looked like crap, like he'd been crying. He knew that this time it was not his fault, he wouldn't do something like this to Rachel again.

"Rachel, honey, we need to talk" said Finn as he interrupted Rachel's workout.

"What is it, what happened, is it my dads, Finn? Shelby?" Rachel was scared out of her wits, she knew something was going to happen. Something big. Something life-altering. She could sense it. And Finn's grave stance wasn't helping.

"Calm down Rach. Everybody is ok. But you need to calm down. Shelby is here and she needs to talk to you."

Rachel stormed out of the room and found Shelby, Jesse and Paul, all of them looking like hell.

Shelby and Jesse had been crying.

"What, tell me, it's my dads, isn't it?" Rachel was now crying nervously herself.

"Baby, no, Leroy and Hiram are fine. No one is hurt. But something else has happened. Let's go to your room and talk." Finn followed them but stopped once Shelby looked at him. She wanted to break the news to her daughter alone.

"Rachel, you know how at the Globes reporters were asking if you and Jesse knew each other. Apparently they went digging and found some things about you and Jesse. They even paid some losers in Lima for pictures and other information about you two. They're going to publish all of this tomorrow, on their magazine and their website. They have a video. They know you guys will be singing at the Oscars and that you are already a sensation, and they want to make a buck out of this."

"Okay. If no one has died, there must be some damage control we can do. Show me."

Shelby showed her the pictures and the report. She saved the worst for last.

"Fucking assholes" said Rachel after reading the report, "You have to show me everything else now. Now!"

Hesitating, Shelby gave her the last set of pictures and the video. She watched the video first. It was a little grainy, as if it was recorded on a cell phone years ago, but it was clear enough.

Her tears started flowing now, and her face contorted in such a hurtful way, that Shelby went to hold her.

Rachel stopped her. "Please leave me alone. I just want to be alone." She said while giving Shelby her phone back.

"But Rachel…"

"Please, mom."

Shelby left. Her daughter had just seen a close up of a video taken years ago, were she was telling Jesse "Break it. Break it like you broke my heart." "I loved you" said a spiteful Jesse while smashing an egg to her forehead.

Everyone looked at Shelby expectantly.

"She wants to be left alone." She saw Finn standing up. "Alone, Finn."

An hour later, Shelby received a text from Rachel. "Please come in now. Just you"

She walked in to find an almost composed Rachel. She looked like she had been crying, but she had stopped.

"Mom…" Shelby went to her and embraced her tightly. "Mom, it's ok"

Shelby looked at her confused.

"It's really okay mom. Nothing that Paul cannot fix, and we still have the Oscars to pull a great showface and show the world we don't give a rat's ass. It was horrible to actually see how I looked on the most humiliating day of my life, but that's all in the past. How's Jesse? He looked really bad, is he ok?

"No Rachel, he's not." Shelby would not lie or keep information from Rachel ever again.

"Jesse thinks you won't be able to forgive him, that you'll never want to see his face again, that all this humiliation is going to break you, and he cannot live with that. He even told me that he wasn't even sure if he could live without you again, Rachel. And I believed him, I'm scared."

"Tell him to come here now. Alone."

Shelby complied and told Jesse. This time Finn and Paul got up.

"She wants to talk only to Jesse. Alone"

* * *

Jesse walked tentatively into the room, Rachel had her back to the door.

"Close the door please. Lock it"

When she heard the lock click, she turned around, and saw Jesse. His pleading eyes were bloodshot, his face swollen, his hair a mess. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for doing this to you again".

Rachel stood in front of him and held his head up with both her hands.

"Jesse, look at me." Jesse looked to the side, he was afraid of the hate he could find in those eyes.

"Look at me" she said more firmly now. What she saw in his eyes terrified her. "Jesse? It's ok, I'm ok"

"But Rachel.." he said, tears coming to his eyes again.

"Jesse, oh Jesse, I forgave you a long time ago. I needed to be happy and successful, and I wasn't going to carry that with me for the rest of my live. I forgave you Jesse, I forgive you."

Jesse looked at her confused, but somehow relieved. "How could you forgive me, Rachel? After what I did to you, after what I put you through… You were what I loved the most then, and I had to fuck everything up. I always fuck up everything…"

Rachel was still holding his face, his hands were now hesitantly in her waist. She started wiping away the tears with her fingers, but they did not stop. She was looking at him adoringly, full of compassion and understanding.

"I've forgiven you, Jesse, now you need to forgive yourself." And she started kissing his eyes, his tears, his face. Jesse held her tight and she could feel his ragged breath, she pulled apart just enough to see his face again. He was still looking down, and again she kissed his eyes tenderly, his forehead, his cheeks.. She just kept kissing his face, and now he was looking at her, their foreheads together.

Rachel made the first move. She again started placing tender kisses on his face, but now she also kissed his lips. Once. Twice. "Rachel…" She kissed him again, this time her lips stayed on his, and her tongue pried into his mouth. Jesse responded hungrily, desperately, almost violently, and they stayed devouring each other's mouths for a long time. They were both breathing heavily, and Rachel could feel his firmness in her stomach. She grinded into him now, and their kisses turned more passionate, more desperate.

Jesse pulled away, and looked at her. They were both crying now. Crying for what had been, for what couldn't be, for what they couldn't have. They kissed again, this time more slowly, more tenderly, none of them wanting to stop, but knowing well they had to. Rachel pulled apart first. She looked lovingly at Jesse. "I forgive you Jesse. Now you have to go…." She said with despair.

"I know Rachel. But you have to know…"

"Shhh…. " she whispered. "Don't Jesse…."

"No Rachel, I'll never bother you again, I'll never come between you and Finn. But you have to know I really loved you, that after all these years I still love you, that you are everything I live for, the reason I get up in the morning. You give my life meaning Rachel, and even if you can't be mine, please don't forget that I'm yours. I've always been yours…."

They just stood there with their foreheads together. After a while, Jesse finally let her go.

"Don't worry, what happened here won't ever happen again, you have my word. Finn's a great guy, he really deserves you, Rachel. I'll never tell a soul about this, but please know that tonight I've been the most miserable and the happiest man alive. I know now that you love me too, Rachel. You may not love me as much as you love Finn, but I know you love me, and that's enough for me. If I die tonight, I'll die a happy man."

He kissed her again softly, and she wiped his face, combed his hair with her fingers and straightened his shirt. He walked to the door, and before leaving, Rachel said "Jesse, you're right. I do." He smiled as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

It was a long night, all of them strategizing how to face the bomb that was going to explode tomorrow. No one knew what happened in that room while Jesse and Rachel were in there for a whole hour, but they knew they were at peace now. They were mostly amazed at how well Rachel had taken the news, how she looked fine even if her reputation would take a direct hit that morning. But they had a plan.

Calls were not answered, and Rachel, Jesse and Finn were the gossip fodder of the weekend. The video had gone viral and everybody was trying to get a piece of new information.

They went all together to the Oscars: Rachel and Finn, her dads, Jesse and Shelby. They smiled and posed together as if nothing had ever happened and they were a big happy family.

Rachel and Jesse's performance did not leave many dry eyes in the auditorium, even Barbra herself was wiping her eyes discretely, evidently moved by their rendition, as they received a long and well deserved standing ovation. They were all ecstatic.

Rachel, her dads and Finn did not attend the Governor's ball. Finn wasn't feeling good, and Rachel had that nagging feeling again, so badly she even felt uncomfortable now. But she hid the worry very well, her dads and Finn were happy and proud of her success and of how she'd managed the whole situation.

Rachel gave Finn two Tylenol for his headache before going to bed. They talked a little and Finn held Rachel in his arms, she loved feeling his warm naked chest and how well she fit in his arms. Then Finn said out of the blue: "You know Rach, I thought I would never say this but Jesse has really changed. He's actually a cool dude. He came up with the idea for your dress, and he denied it when you asked him. That was cool. And the way he's also handled all of this mess… I never expected that from him. I think he really cares about you, baby." Finn kissed the top of Rachel's hair and fell asleep fast. Rachel thought about what Finn had just said, and tried to dismiss that stupid feeling. She finally dozed off.

She got up early and slipped out of bed quietly, Finn was snoring softly and she wanted to let him sleep more. She had breakfast with her dads and Shelby, talked about the night events and read the amazing reviews they'd gotten on the papers. She wanted to show them to Finn, it was quite late now.

But Finn never woke up that morning. An aneurysm, they said.

* * *

**This was a looooong chapter, but I didn't want to break it down. I really hope you like it, I certainly do.**

**I hope you're not turned down by the character death, I warned everyone beforehand! Please review! I need those reviews to keep updating, and things are about to get interesting! Ideas are welcome!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews, they literally make my day and every time I see the tiny indicator light of my phone blinking, I hope it's a review alert! How fast can I go from not writing anything in my life except for work stuff, to suddenly being spoiled by reviews! I'm liking this writing stuff, and I have a few ideas on my mind. And who could've thought I'd be able to write hot kissing scenes, because I just reread last chapter, and that kiss was hot!**

**This is Jessse's POV, hopefully I'll also update Ch. 8 tonight, which should be the last, since this is way too long already! So please review and _force_ me to update!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 7 – JESSE'S SIDE OF THE LAWN**

IRON MAN. That's what the press had dubbed him a few years back, when he won the first season of Star Factory. Rolling Stone had him on its cover, and the headline read: JESSE ST. JAMES – THE REAL IRONMAN. Jesse was crossing his arms on the picture, looking cool and defiant. The inside article stated that he was the real Ironman, because he was even cooler than Tony Stark, more mysterious, and that he was impenetrable and indecipherable. The moniker stuck, and Jesse hated it.

PROLOGUE

Jesse had always been a cool guy: girls (and gays) wanted to be with him, guys wanted to be his friend. But he hardly ever went out with girls, and he did not have many friends. He was all business, fifteen going on forty, his mom used to say. He never gave his parents a headache, he was a good, extremely responsible kid that never acted his age. He was talking before he was one, reading by three, playing Mozart in the piano by four, and bored out of his mind by kindergarten. His dad was so proud of his genius kid, that he wanted to give him the Mensa treatment and send him to a school for a private school for gifted kids but his mom refused: her son would have a normal life and a normal education, he could do the gifted kid circuit in College. And Jesse's mom knew how to convince her husband, so at the end, Jesse went to public school to get bored to death. He had a 4.0 GPA, and teachers loved him, but he was different, not the social kind. "He'll grow up to be a sociopath" an ignorant teacher told his parents when he was ten.

But things changed in high school, there were a lot of extracurricular activities he could do, and since he'd been musically inclined he joined all of the music classes and clubs: from trombone to ballet. He weeded out what he found uninteresting, which was almost everything, and stayed only with ballet, piano, and glee club. Only that glee club in Carmel High was more like a full Broadway production, and getting in was very difficult.

On the day of his audition he didn't dance or played the piano: he just stood there and sung "I Dreamed a Dream" a capella, and the director was instantly smitten by him, but never let it show. "Nice, kid." Shelby Corcoran had said. "We'll give you a call."

* * *

Of course they called him, but only after making him wait for a week. Jesse took a liking to Shelby immediately: she was the first adult, apart from his mother and his nanny that treated him normally, not with spooky admiration or outright disdain. He liked her. And even though she saw his potential, she didn't let him know and made him work hard.

When he was fifteen his dad was transferred to Jakarta, and he was given the choice of staying or leaving with them. If he stayed, he'd be under the care of his uncle, who could check on him regularly, and the nanny, who was now a housekeeper, would attend to him. He chose to stay, after all, he was closer to his old nanny and Shelby than to his parents. He probably saw the uncle twice, and he used to spend holidays with either Shelby or his old nanny, whenever she didn't leave for Costa Rica, her native country. He rarely visited his parents, who by now had a beachside mansion in Bali, and they visited him even less. When he saw them he would address them by their names, not mom and dad, and they didn't seem to matter. He only called his old nanny mama Estrella, and loved her like the mother he never truly had, and she adored him in return.

Sometimes Jesse lied to both Shelby and Estrella and spent the holidays by himself: he loved the long train ride to New York, where he would attend any show that interested him.

He was the captain of the leading show choir in the country, Vocal Adrenaline. They'd won the National championship three years on a row, and he had been accepted on early admission to all the universities he had applied. Shelby thought he'd go to Julliard or Tisch, but she wasn't surprised when he chose UCLA, he was unpredictable.

The last two years of high school were spent eating, sleeping and breathing VA. He still kept his 4.0 GPA, but VA left him little time for anything else. He rarely dated girls, he just relieved his hormonal needs with almost all of the girls in VA: half of which were in love with him.

And then he saw her, and for the first time in his life he was smitten with a girl. Her name was Rachel Berry, he learned later. He'd seen her before sneaking into VA rehearsals, and a few times at the music store, but he disregarded her as he did every other girl, until he heard her sing at Sectionals. He'd never seen anyone so talented before, so appealing. He pestered Shelby for months to get her to switch to Carmel, she'd be sensational with them, with him. But Shelby kept refusing, until she told him the truth: She was her biological daughter and she was afraid of what having her so close would be like. Until she came up with a plan: maybe if she looked for her things would be different.

Jesse was more than willing to help Shelby: he needed that girl in VA, and he could practice a little acting. So he set out to befriend her, he already knew she spent a lot of time at the music store alone, the rest of the time she was following that big, talentless football oaf. So he waited for her at the store. It wasn't hard to charm her, and he knew by the end of that song that she was starstruck with him. Her enormous talent contrasted with her demeanor: she was confident and insecure at the same time. But he liked singing with her more than with anyone else, and he wanted to spend more time with her every day. He also liked making out with her, she was a good kisser and she unintentionally left him wanting more every time they were together. But she also infuriated him, she was committed to her pathetic little glee club, where she was clearly wasting her talent. He tried to persuade her by transferring to her high, but neither her nor her teammates were too impressed by him. He thought she would do anything for him, but he was wrong, and one day, after one of the stupid assignments from Mr. Shuester, she showed him that she actually didn't care for him that much. For the first time in his life he felt a tightness in his chest, a sense of hurt he hadn't experienced before, a longing for her that he couldn't describe. And that made him want her even more. He couldn't stand Finn Hudson, how could an intelligent, talented girl like Rachel be interested in someone like him, a stupid jock with no talent. Seeing them interact made him angry and helpless: he now understood what jealousy was.

Their fling was short-lived: Shelby had obtained what she wanted, and even that wasn't enough to lure Rachel to VA. He went back to VA hurt and jealous, how could she not fall head over heels for him like the rest? Why was she being so difficult to manage? Why would she choose her little glee club over VA? Why would she choose that oaf over him? Breaking into their auditorium, wrecking their practice room and egging Rachel weren't his ideas, but he was up for them, anything to demoralize the opposing team, which he knew deep down was a real competition for VA. He was angry when they sang, angry when they wrecked the practice room, angry when he coaxed Rachel to be egged. But when the first egg hit her, and then another and another, he became undone, he wasn't expecting to feel this way, he wanted to stop everyone, to take her in his arms and protect her. Was this what love felt like? But this realization came a little too late, and when she defied him to do it like he broke her heart was the last straw, she had broken his heart, not the other way around. And he was angry again. He let her know he loved her while he smashed an egg in her forehead. And he would never forget the way she looked, wounded and humiliated, it would haunt him for years to come.

His actions sickened him, he could not let Rachel get away from him like that, he went to talk to her, to tell her how bad he felt and he was ready to even beg on his for her forgiveness. But when he saw his Rachel leaning to kiss Finn Hudson, he was angry all over again. "The fuck with them. Fuck her, fuck'em all."

By Regionals he was calmer, and he saw something that made him reconsider his stance. The klutz had told Rachel that he loved her right before they started to sing, but she didn't answer him. She even looked sad, like if his declaration of love had come late. He was deeply touched by the emotion in her voice when she sang, he wanted to be there with her, to be Finn Hudson. But the way she looked at him at the end of his performance said it all, she was clearly over him. He couldn't help but look at her again at the end, right before they pronounced VA the winners. And that was that, he left for California and never looked back. He never mentioned her to Shelby, although he knew that they were trying to salvage their mother daughter bond.

* * *

College was a breeze, but when he thought the world was his again, Finn Hudson again came to torture him. He couldn't believe he went to UCLA and that he wasn't so talentless after all. And suddenly he felt the urge to seek out Rachel. He knew from fellow performers and even from Finn that she wasn't dating anyone, and he got enough intel from Shelby to know that she was at Tisch. First he sent her a friend request in Facebook, which she totally ignored. Then he decided to Google her, and found out she was making waves already. He found a video of her singing, and he was astounded: her voice had changed a bit, it was deeper, more mature, and impossibly more beautiful, and he fell for Rachel all over again.

"NO" Shelby said categorically. "Stay away from her."

"Come on Shelby, are you going to be difficult too? I could hop on a plane and see her whenever, it's not that difficult."

"Don't you dare to something like that, or I swear I'll never speak to you again"

He knew she was being serious, Shelby wasn't one to beat around the bush.

"But why? What is wrong with trying to contact her, maybe just an e-mail. I really want to know what's up with her, we used to be friends…"

"Not after what you did to her Jesse. She was humiliated, deflated, it took her a long time to bounce back, and even then she couldn't trust anybody, not even Finn Hudson." Shelby said. "She was in love with you, you know, and you broke her heart in the worst possible way. Forget about her, she's moved on and is happy in New York now"

"She wasn't in love with me, Shelby. She was in love with Finn…"

"No Jesse, how can you be so blind? How can you be so brilliant with everything and so brainless about women? It's infuriating to see you sleeping around like if girls were just pieces of meat. Girls have feelings, Jesse. Even the stupid, slutty girls you sleep with have feelings. Rachel was madly in love with you. And you were so senseless that you decided to intimidate her with by breaking into their auditorium before even telling her you had transferred, you deface her school AND smashed a disgusting egg in her FACE, for crying out loud. You knew she was vegan, and to smash an egg to her face was the equivalent of her smashing a smelly turd to yours. And I'm sorry to even use that analogy or that word, but I'll do anything to make you understand how you ruined it."

"Oh god Shelby, I never thought… I never saw it that way. I didn't know…."

"Of course you didn't know. You had no example to follow, not even I could help you in that department back then. But now that you know, stay away from her."

"But at least let me tell her how sorry I am, that it was true that I had feelings for her, that I think I still do…"

"Forget it Jesse. She's moved on, and so should you."

Jesse knew the conversation was over, but he would show Shelby he wasn't so brainless after all. He stopped sleeping around, and Shelby could see he had changed. He never stopped asking for her, and he used to Google her name every other day and let Shelby know he knew what was going on with Rachel. And so Shelby told him about Rachel's big break on Broadway, and how she was going to see her perform on opening night. He was welcome to also attend on his own, since Rachel's dads would strangle him if they ever saw him again.

And Jesse was there to watch her, he smiled all the way from LA to NY. He was excited and terrified to see her, to see her reaction, he even brought her flowers. He was really hoping for the best but expecting the worst. And that's what he got: the worst possible. During her amazing performance he spotted her looking at someone in the audience, he couldn't see whom. But he figured it was her dads or Shelby. Then after the show, after gathering all of his courage to talk to her, he saw her, more beautiful and happy than ever. And when he was getting close to her he saw Finn Hudson. Rachel was holding his hand while guiding him to her dressing room and closing the door, oblivious to all the celebration around them. He could see that she was in love with Finn, and that felt like a bucket of cold water being thrown over him. He put the roses in the trash can and quietly left the theater. What was he expecting? For her to run into his arms and tell her that she still loved him? How could he be so stupid? He hated his life.

Shelby told him that they weren't expecting Finn either, that he proposed and she accepted. It was hopeless for him to try to pursue anything with Rachel, he had to get over her, she loved Finn and they were getting married. He went back to LA disheartened and depressed, this was all his doing, he practically handed her to Finn a few years back. Now it was really over.

Two years later he heard that phone call, and he couldn't believe his ears, she had feelings for him, she wanted him, but it was too late. She was getting married, and apparently what he heard was a drunken rant she didn't even remember. He was positively crushed when he saw her dancing with Finn as newlyweds, and he cried bitterly that day, like he never had before, not even when he found about his parents' death a couple of years back. He was irrefutably alone. And then his Ironman façade was born.

* * *

He didn't even want to audition for that stupid program, but Shelby had insisted. He actually liked it and prevailed quite easily, and then the world opened for him and he became a superstar. He only allowed his feelings to show when he was singing, tears always came to his eyes by the end of the song he had composed for Rachel, which he titled "Your Song", his biggest hit, everyone could see that he was moved and shaken by the end of the song, but usually by the time he stood up from the piano, his showface was already on.

He never expected to see Rachel again, he never expected her reaction, her beautiful smile, the way she held him, how she loved her song on the piano, the passion on her voice when they sang again together after all those years. She was married to Finn, but that was okay, he was happy just to see her. After all those years he realized that only being close to her was enough to make him happy.

He promised Shelby and himself that he wouldn't interfere between her and Finn, but then she looked at him and he just wanted to forget his promise. It was hard, the way she didn't pull away when he kissed her hands, the way she whispered his name… But he knew that Finn was her life now, and he resolved that he would do anything to see her happy.

Jesse thought that she would never forgive him after that awful video surfaced, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to wear his façade again, he just wanted to die. The way she comforted him, instead of the other way around blew his mind, it showed him she still cared about him. The way she wiped his tears, the way she kissed him, the way she moved her body against his confirmed that she still loved him. He would remember that night and their performance at the Oscars as the best things that ever happened to him. It was weird, he could see that she truly loved Finn, and at the same time she loved him, and even though he promised never to interfere again, just knowing that she somehow loved him was good enough.

He called Shelby the next day to ask her for dinner, he knew she maybe needed a break from Rachel's dads, who could be quite overbearing at times, and when she told him what happened to Finn he was crushed, he knew that it wouldn't be easy for Rachel to go through this. But deep, deep down he felt a slight, tiny twinge of hope…

* * *

**I had to take a shot a Jesse's POV before ending this…**

**If you are nice and review, I'll give you a nice St. Berry ending in return! But I need to know how graphic you'd like it to be. Don't worry, I couldn't possibly write straightforward smut , but if you want me to steam up some scenes, let me know in your reviews and I'll do my best ; )**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 – THE ENCOUNTER**

It had been two months after Finn's death, and Rachel still didn't believe it. At first she spent her days in their room, looking at their pictures, watching their videos, smelling his clothes. She could not believe she would never see her husband, her best friend ever again. That she would never be in his arms again. She lost him before they even started planning a family "We should wait until we're 30" he had said, and she had agreed because their schedules where so crazy back then. But she could not fathom that she had nothing left of him, that she didn't get to say goodbye…

The days after he died went in a haze. Her dads were there, Shelby, Beth, Will, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes. Jesse. People coming and going from the house, trying to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen. She just wanted to be lost in thoughts of him. Rachel slept a lot those days and barely talked to anyone. She just nodded, slept and cried.

It's been two months Shelby, you should talk to her" one of Rachel's dads said as she slept. "She listens to you, if I've gotten ten words from her in the past two months, it's a lot. And she needs to wash those shirts of his, they have to be filthy…. I just want her to get better…" he said clearly frustrated.

"I don't know what to do, maybe find a therapist?" replied Shelby. Jesse interrupted them.

"Leave her alone, she needs to grieve, her husband for the past five years just passed way unexpectedly, she doesn't know what to do. Let her grieve her own way." he said while heating some water on the kettle, he knew she would wake up soon, and he wanted her to have hot tea just in case.

Shelby's phone rang, it was Paul. The show where Rachel worked was about to start a new season and they wanted her back. Paul tried reasoning with them, telling them, that she was not ready, but they wouldn't listen, they needed her more than ever. There was no way in hell Jesse would let them take advantage of her sorrow to improve ratings.

"I'll talk to them" Jesse said and left.

When he got back to the house he found that Rachel was out of her room, wearing an oversized football jersey that read HUDSON on the back. She was curled up on the sofa, her legs under the shirt, looking outside while others tried to make small talk. But she wasn't talking, just nodding and looking out. When she saw Jesse she just looked at him with pleading eyes and he sat next to her. "Hi" he said while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hi" she replied to him, with a hint of a smile. She put her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes. After a while she could see she was asleep, and didn't dare to move.

"What did they say" Shelby whispered.

"They were being really difficult, one of them even threatened with going to court. I offered to buy her out of the contract, but they replied that they'd rather spend months in court than settling for money. They used to be decent, now they've turned into a bunch of assholes. But I solved it." Jesse whispered back.

"How?"

"When they didn't settle, I offered them myself. I'll be replacing Rachel next season, so she can rest and get better. Now let her rest, can't you go anywhere else" Jesse said protectively. He stayed there alone with her, and when everyone left she whispered to him without moving "Thanks Jesse". "Anything for you Rachel Berry, anything" he said while kissing the top of her head.

* * *

"I want to go" she said, without lifting her head from his shoulder and her eyes still closed. Jesse lifted an eyebrow and asked her "Where?"

"I saw him today in my dreams. He was beautiful and peaceful, and he said I needed to go, to get out of here. He said that he loved me but he had to go, and that I should also leave. And he said to tell you Jesse, to tell you that I had to go, that you'd understand. He was so serene… He smiled at me and said goodbye, and repeated over and over that I would be fine." She didn't move or opened her eyes, she just talked.

Jesse kissed the top of her head. "When would you like to leave?"

"As soon as possible"

"Do you want to go alone, or with your dads, Shelby… One of the girls…"

"Just Shelby" she replied.

"I'll make the arrangements as soon as I can" he said. He had no idea where he could take them, or if she was just talking on her sleep. She just stayed there, and he felt her relaxed, actually sleeping now.

He just stayed with her for a couple of hours, he also fell asleep. Suddenly he woke up. "I know" he said.

Rachel uncoiled herself from the couch, and carefully stood up. Even when she looked like a mess she was beautiful. He also stood up, stretching a little. "Thank you" she said while getting closer to him, she just stood there with her head in his chest and her arms still down, while he hugged her and kissed her head one more time. Then he pulled apart and she stepped away. "Anything" he said again, and she looked at him and nodded before leaving for her room.

"Bali? You want us to leave for Bali?" one of her dads said.

"Actually, she just wants Shelby to go with her. She didn't say Bali, she just said that she needed to get out of here, and I thought of my parent's place in Bali. It's spectacular, I had the place remodeled a while ago and they did a wonderful job. Now it's a very spiritual place, with ponds, waterfalls, praying trees and rocks where you can sit in the gardens. And it is right in front of a beautiful white sanded beach."

He omitted the part where Finn told her in her dreams to go.

Jesse expected a faceoff with her dads, they were very possessive of their little girl, and they wouldn't be easy to convince.

"I think it's a great idea Jesse" said one of them, while the other replied "I think that this exactly what she needs, some time off to grieve and find herself again. When are they leaving?"

Jesse could not believe their reaction, and he was sure there had to be some kind of divine intervention, this was just too easy.

She packed lightly, and asked her dads to pack everything while she was gone. She needed to get a smaller place, probably in Malibu near the beach. They could stay in the house or sell it was their choice. She just needed to come back to a different place. The dads were happy that they could be useful and would be busy for the next months.

Jesse took them to the airport. Rachel did not want him to get down, just a quick goodbye. She kissed him on the cheek and said "Thank you Jesse. I hope you can visit when the show is over." And she just left.

* * *

Jesse did the show unwillingly, he was still mad at the way they had handled the situation, but after a while he softened up on the contestants and started to have a good time. But he missed Rachel, he just wanted to see her, to be with her, she was so pale and thin and fragile when she left… He made sure that there were vegan foods and supplies delivered every week, and he sent her a different DVD twice a week: mostly musicals he knew she liked. They hadn't spoken on the phone, he only spoke to Shelby.

The first month Shelby said that Rachel was coming out of her shell and was spending time outdoors in the gardens and walking in the beach. By the second month in Bali, Rachel started talking more, and by the third month she even laughed. Four months passed before she talked to him.

"This place is amazing, Jesse, you don't know how grateful I am for all you've done…"

"Don't say more, Rachel. It's the least I could do…"

"When are you coming to visit? I want to see you."

"The show will be ending in almost two months and I'll be free again. I wish you were closer so that at least I could spend the weekend with you…" For the first time in many months he was longing for her, he was thinking of her like he used to. But he knew it was too soon for her, so maybe waiting was for the best. "Do you want me to send your dads and some of your friends over?"

"Oh Jesse, that would be wonderful, I can't wait to see them! I can't wait to see you!" she sounded happy for the first time since he died, and he was very pleased. "I miss you too, Rachel Berry."

They talked on the phone almost every day, sometimes for hours: about their lives, about Finn, about her plans for the future… "I realized that I am very lucky. Even though he's not here anymore, at least I got to experience the kind of love that many never experience their whole lives. Our time together was wonderful, I couldn't have asked for a better partner, and I'm grateful that he was part of my life… Things come and go, but what we had will last forever."

After a moment of silence he said "I'm glad for you Rachel, I really am. I knew that it was a matter of time, that you'd thrive and shine again…."

"Thanks to you Jesse. I couldn't have done this without you".

Jesse smiled on the phone. He was allowing himself to feel hopeful now.

" I think I have good news, Rachel" he said a month later. Even though the season is ending, next week they are doing a tribute how that I squeezed out off. I could visit if you want…"

"Oh my god, yes, what a surprise! When?"

"I'll get there on Friday, and need to leave by Wednesday, but at least I'll be there 5 days…"

"I can't wait to see you Jesse!" she said, and she sounded genuinely happy. And so was Jesse.

* * *

He arrived two hours early. When he got there it was stepping on a different house, there were flowers everywhere, and the place itself seemed full of life. Jesse saw her before she could see him, she was sitting on the back terrace overlooking the beach with Tina and Kurt, they were laughing and drinking one of the exotic concoctions Rachel had been making lately, alcohol free, of course. Kurt saw him first and said "Hey", then Rachel turned around and ran towards him, and gave him a big hug "Jesse, I'm so glad you're here!" She looked radiant, her hair was shorter, and she had bangs now, she had gained a few pounds and the color was back in her skin. She had no makeup, just a simple short sundress and no shoes. After Jesse greeted everybody, Rachel just stayed by his side the whole time, he was starting to feel nervous, it had been so long since he'd be with someone, and she was just getting too close…

"Show me the beach, he said" She never let go of his hand during the walk, she just talked and laughed and was a whole different person form the sad girl he left at the airport six months ago. Almost eleven months had passed since that fateful morning. Now Rachel could talk about him without crying.

Jesse wanted to stay longer with Rachel, but he was exhausted from the long trip and his eyes kept closing. Rachel went up to his room and prepared the bed while he took a shower. When he got out he was only wearing a towel, and Rachel was in his room. "I was just preparing the bed for you…" She held the covers up and instructed him to lay down, he needed to rest. "Rachel, I need to undress first."

"Oh sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I'm gonna go now, unless you want to stay talking a little longer.." And then she put her arms around him.

"Thank you Jesse, you've been wonderful".

He was standing there in his towel praying she left, he could not hide his need for her much longer. Was she coming onto him? No. Not possible, she was just grateful. He wasn't expecting to get THAT lucky…

" I think I need to rest for a while" he said while yawning.

She planted two big kisses in his cheek before saying "Sweet Dreams!" and closing the door behind her. He wanted her so badly, and it showed. He just went to bed thinking that it was too soon before he dozed off…

The next day when he got out they were by the pool, Rachel, Tina and Kurt, unfortunately, in bikinis. Rachel's was tiny. It was only ten in the morning, how was he supposed to last through the day in a bathing suit while looking at her walk around in that tiny thing. She kept hugging and holding his hand through the day, she was definitely coming onto him. And he tried to keep his distance all day, mostly sitting with a big towel on his lap and unable to get up most of the day. At night Kurt cooked for everyone and they were just laughing and drinking wine in the terrace. This was definitely not what Jesse was expecting, he didn't know what to make of her reaction. By the fifth or sixth bottle of wine, Jesse had to go to bed. This time Rachel did not follow him, to his relief. She and the girls were laughing and a bit tipsy already. He took a very cold shower for the third time that day and went to bed.

He woke up to Rachel beside him, looking at him. "God, you scared me!" he said while sitting on the bed. "What are you doing here?"

She was drunk. Jesse had never seen her drunk, and he wanted to make sure she made it to her room.

"Can you turn around please?" he told her so that he could get out of bed and into some shorts. Rachel turned around for a second. Then he heard her say

"So you're a briefs guy! I thought you were a boxers guy? Briefs?" and she busted out laughing. "Jesse St James is a briefs guy!"

He smiled at her and just sat on the edge of the bed in his briefs. Rachel went to him, and was about to sit on top of him when he asked her "What are you doing?"

"Well, you've been ignoring me all night, and I just want to be close to you Jesse. I've missed you, haven't you missed me?"

"Of course I have!" he said standing up and putting his hands on her shoulders." But now you have to go, you don't know what you're doing…"

He kissed her check and went back to bed. And she got in bed with him.

"I just need to touch you a little, that's all" She said while laying next to him all sexy and drunk. Her hands were all over his chest, and Jesse held them with his. "Rachel…" Apparently she thought this was an invitation and just went on top of him. She leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

"Just let me kiss you a little"… And he did let her, he pulled her head to his and kissed her back, he had forgotten how good that felt. They just kept kissing and Rachel was grinding against him.

"Please Rachel" he pleaded while she sat up, still on top of him, and removed her dress, she was not wearing a bra, only tiny panties. She took his hands and placed them on her breasts.

"Touch me Jesse" she said full of lust. He had to touch her, and she leaned down again and kissed him hungrily "Jesse I want you so bad…"

He lifted her head. "Rachel, please, do you think I'm made of stone? Don't do this, not like this, I want to make love to you sober"

"You wanna make love to me? And yes, it seems you are made of stone after all" she said while trailing her hand down and grabbing him over his briefs. He groaned in pleasure as Rachel snaked her hand under his briefs to have better access. She held his hardness and he groaned again.

"Oh god, you're BIG Jesse, really really big!" She said while groping him, "My, your're even bigger than.." and she placed her other hand over her mouth while containing her laughter. He took her hand from under his briefss but she grabbed him again over them. He groaned again as he pushed his hips against her hand.

"What is this Jesse? How come you never told me? This is like, like… Anaconda!" she almost shouted, and now he had to laugh. No one had ever compared him to an anaconda, but appreciated the remark. Now he took her hands in his.

"Rachel, you have to go, you'll regret this tomorrow…" he started saying, but now she was moving against him and breathing harder.

"You feel sooo good Jesse" and she just kept moving against him. She leaned down and kissed him, now moving faster against him and moaning, "oh, oh, oh god!" she said.

Losing control, he pushed against her and with his hands ground her hips against him rhythmically, while both of them where still on their underwear.

He had the best orgasm of his life and he wasn't even inside of her… And apparently so did she. His briefs and her panties were drenched. She just laid on top of him and nuzzled against him, and fell asleep right there. He wasn't sure if she'd remember the next day, but he didn't care. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep too, holding her still on top of him. Life was good.

* * *

**Now review, please!**


	9. Chapter 9

**This was supposed to be the last chapter, but since you've all been so nice with your reviews, I decided to add something extra… I was extra careful with the "ons" and "ins", and I appreciate the comment, I like constructive crtiticism. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it! Most of you readers also write wonderful stories, and you know how nice it is to get reviews, so don't be shy, review!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 9 – THE MORNING AFTER**

When Jesse opened his eyes, Rachel was in his room, placing his dirty clothes on a basket. He panicked.

"What are you doing Rachel?"

She turned around nervously, like a deer caught in headlights.

"Oh, I was just about to do some laundry since the maid is off until Tuesday…."

"You don't have to, really. Please leave those clothes right there, I'll have them washed later on. " he said.

Rachel smiled nervously, she didn't know what was up with him, he was acting distant and detached, like he made a mistake by flying to Bali just to see her. But to hell with him, she was just doing a little laundry.

"Don't be silly Jesse, I really don't mind…." Then she saw them. Her underwear. The ridiculously tiny and uncomfortable panties she had worn last night in case she got lucky. She picked them up with the tip of her fingers, and was about to ask Jesse how they had gotten there when she had a small flash back: she had been in his room last night.

"Oh god Jesse…" she sat on the bed holding her forehead with one hand and her underwear on the other. "What happened last night?" she dared to ask.

"Nothing happened, you don't have to worry" he lied.

"But we didn't, you know…" she asked again.

Jesse was starting to like this and was going to have a little fun at her expense. After having to withstand her teasing for two days, she deserved it.

"What?" he answered looking at her confused. He was still under the covers but was now propped on some pillows.

"Oh god," now covering her face with both hands, one of which was still holding her underwear. "I remember getting slammed last night and I thought I came in here, but when I woke up lying on my bed.. Oh god…. But did we or didn't we?" she asked still covering her face in ebarassment.

This was going to be good, thought Jesse. "Do what, Rachel?"

"You know, did we… um … did we do it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Quit beating around the bush and just tell me." He could see that he was getting into her nerves.

"Come Jesse, you know what I mean, did we do it. Sex, there, I said it. Did we have sex?" she said exasperated.

"Oh that… No we didn't have sex… Actually the correct answer is yes AND no."

Now she looked really confused.

"Do you remember ANYTHING about last night, Rachel?"

"Well, I'm trying to… Bits and pieces. I remember coming into your room. But not much after that.."

"And why did you get in my room at two in the morning Rachel, did you feel the need to talk at that hour? Remember we are in the same time-zone now…" he quipped.

Rachel was embarrassed and infuriated at the same time, he was clearly playing with her. He was not supposed to be this difficult. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. He was being an ass.

He noticed that she was getting uncomfortable and changed his tone. "Sorry for that. But I really want to know why you came in here, Rachel." He was being serious now and Rachel just let it all out.

"Because Kurt dared me to. Oh god, just saying that sounds so stupid and childlish… I don't know what I was thinking, I guess it sounded appealing last night…"

"But why did Kurt dared you to come into my room, what happened after I left last night? You guys were having a blast reminiscing old times, and I still had horrible jet lag…"

"Well, I guess that after you left, we started talking about you… And it was actually Kurt who started the conversation" she said looking down at her knees now. Jesse had managed to get closer, but was still under the covers since he just had boxer shorts on.

"Rachel, it would be nice if you could have a conversation with me and not the floor. Why aren't you looking at me?." He'd gone too far with the teasing and now was a bit concerned with her reaction.

"Jesse, I couldn't possibly look at you right now, I'm so embarrassed…"

"Fair enough. So continue, why did Kurt dare you?"

"I guess I was complaining about how I expected a different reaction from you. I thought you'd be happier to see me, that you would want to stay all night talking to me, not go to bed at 10:00 pm. You practically kicked me out of your room the other night, and even though I felt bad, I admitted that maybe you just were really tired from the long flight. But yesterday you were so aloof and distant, every time I took your hand or got close to you, you found an excuse to walk away. I've just missed you much, and I thought you felt the same way…"

He didn't like where this was going. Not at all.

"Rachel, do you…"

"Please Jesse" she interrupted and turned her head to see if he was paying attention "Let me finish. I need to get this out of my chest, I need you to listen to me." Jesse nodded. She looked down again and kept talking.

"I just thought things would be different, maybe my expectations were too high. I thought there was a special connection between us, that… that…" she couldn't finish the sentence and Jesse just wanted to hold her, but he would let her finish.

She sighed, like if trying to gather courage from the air.

"Okay, I thought that… Never mind, forget it. Let me face this and move on. How big of an ass did I make of myself last night? And be straight forward, no 'yes and no answer'. Did we have sex or not."

Jesse took off he covers and sat beside her.

"First of all, you didn't make an ass of yourself Rachel. Not at all, on the contrary, you had fun at my expense. Secondly, we did not make love last night, at least not in the conventional way."

Now Rachel lifted her head and looked at him, he said "make love", not just "have sex". Maybe it wasn't as bad as she expected. He seemed concerned about her now, like the old Jesse, and she allowed herself to feel a little more hopeful.

"What do you mean when referring to the 'conventional way'?"

Jesse smiled, she was at least looking at him now.

"Well it was more of a dry humping thing."

Rachel looked down again, but she was smiling now.

"Dry humping? What are we now, fifteen..."

His smile grew wider as lifted both eyebrows.

"So, that's all that happened, some innocent dry humping? But why is my underwear here, I don't understand…"

"Well let's say it was not innocent dry humping, innocent dry humping is what we did back in high school when your dads weren't around."

Rachel blushed even more, but kept looking at him and kept smiling. Now this was definitely her Jesse.

"So do you mind telling me what constitutes "not so innocent dry humping"?

"Well, let me illustrate. You were on top of me, naked except for your very small panties. I still had my underwear on. You put my hands on your breasts, which are lovely, by the way. We kissed and groped and you kept thrusting yourself against me... It was just hot. You were so hot…"

"Well, okay, you did a good illustration of what is not so innocent dry humping. But that doesn't explain why my underwear ended up with your dirty clothes…"

"Well, when I said it was very hot, I meant that I had one of the best orgasms of my life, and judging by the way you kept alternating "oh gods" and "yeses", I think yours wasn't that bad either. You fell asleep on top of me, and when I woke up a couple of hours later our underwear was quite wet and sticky. I wanted you to wake up in your bed, since chances were that you wouldn't remember a thing today. And in case that happened, I removed all the evidence –your panties- and as I couldn't find any of your clothes I just tucked you in naked. By the way, you look very hot naked. Finally, in order to hide any trace of what happened last night, I just put your panties with my dirty clothes, and it never crossed my mind that you would do laundry so early. I don't get why you don't have a monster hangover."

"Well, nothing that two Tylenol, a Zantac and lots of water can't take care of."

"And now that you're listening to me, I need to make something clear Rachel, I did miss you, more than you can imagine, that's why I took the first chance I got to come see you. But I wasn't expecting you on my room that night, and I just wanted to push you in that bed and make love to you, but then you mentioned just talking, and I was reaaaally tired."

"And what about yesterday? Why were you so distant?"

"The first sight of the morning was you in a bikini, frolicking in the water and teasing me all day. Of course I had to keep my distance, I spent practically all day with a hard-on! And we had guests! That's why I was wearing briefs instead of boxers, so that it wouldn't be so noticeable. Didn't you notice?"

"Well, ummm, I wasn't looking at your crotch all day, I was just looking at your face, and maybe at your chest and arms, but last night Kurt said something to that effect…"

Jesse laughed out loud now. Of course HE had noticed.

"So that's why he dared me. I had been complaining that you weren't paying attention to me, and he was surprised I hadn't noticed… Did I really make fun of your underwear?"

"Yes, you said 'Jesse St. James is a briefs guy!' very loudly and several times, and there's a possibility that now Tina and Kurt know that I alternate between boxers and briefs…" He was so close to her now that she felt his breath, and he whispered in her ear "I'm wearing boxers now…"

She looked down and saw what he meant about containment measures. "Oh my…."

He was now kissing her neck. "Oh Jesse…"

"And you also compared me to an anaconda. That was a first."

Rachel burst out laughing. "And you said I didn't make and ass of myself…" She said while laying down on his bed, her knees still dangling down.

He lied on his side next to her. She put her hand in his face and lightly touched his hair. He leaned down to kiss her, just one small kiss on her lips.

"Well, I know how you can make it up to me…" he said kissing her again.

"Does it have to do with the anaconda?" She said half jokingly, since she was groping him now.

"Well yes…."he said kissing her again more deeply.

And that's how Jesse and Rachel made love (the conventional way) for the first time, only fifteen years after falling in love.

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**What? That was enough smut, were you expecting a full description? Come on guys… This was supposed to be the last chapter, but since many of you praised my kissing scenes so much, I thought I'd give you a little extra side before wrapping this up! It would still be nice if you reviewed! : )**


	10. Chapter 10

**This is mostly fluff, and next chapter will be the last, I'll take the suggestion of a reader of making an epilogue. But for now, enjoy a little St. Berry fluff!****CHAPTER 10 – GOOD MORNING GIRL**

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"Good morning girl, it's been long, good morning girl, to you this song…" Rachel was smiling even before she opened her eyes, she recognized the Journey song that Jesse was humming so softly, it sounded like a lullaby.

This was the first time in a really long time he'd sung just for her, and she couldn't remember ever waking up and feeling such blissful happiness. She was tucked in Jesse's arms, and he was stroking her hair softly while singing to her, it was just perfect, if not for the fact that Jesse would be leaving in two days.

"Morning…" she said while kissing him. She'd never even considered in the past kissing someone, not even Finn, before having them brush their teeth. But then again, she'd never been in love like this, and everything with Jesse was just different. She'd never made love with Finn more than once in a 24 hour period, maybe twice during those first days of engagement. And after that, having sex once or twice a week seemed perfectly normal. Not with Jesse. She couldn't get enough of him, and it just kept getting better and better.

This was different for Jesse too. Never in his 32 years had he spent more than a night with a single woman. He usually left, or had them leave before sunrise, not wanting to deal with the talking and the awkwardness of getting to know someone you just had sex with. He'd had sex with many, many women, most of them hot leggy models, beautiful actresses, but it was just empty, meaningless sex, more like jerking off to a porn movie, something he rarely had to do. And most of them didn't mind at all that he was blatantly using them, he guessed they were using him too, and that made it even. At least he was fastidiously careful and always practiced safe sex, he knew that the women he slept with usually got around a lot.

After seeing Rachel at the Emmys' rehearsals, he'd stopped sleeping around altogether, and after Rachel kissed him that day, he thought he'd never be able to be with anyone else. So being able to make love to Rachel was more than a dream coming true for him, it was a life changing experience. He'd never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her, and he was pleasantly surprised that she couldn't get enough of him either. He'd never been this happy in his life, and he made sure that she knew that.

Rachel wasn't ready to go back to LA, she wanted to stay more time in Bali, she had fallen in love with island and wanted to stay there forever, and Jesse understood. He was constantly accosted by the press and the paparazzi and he knew that even Rachel had gotten over Finn's sudden death, she was not ready for that yet. And he'd been considering taking a vacation, so he decided to finish the show and go back to Bali and be with her until she wanted to go back, if she ever wanted to go back.

But for now he just wanted to concentrate in just being with her.

"Do you know how many times I tried to contact you over the years? I don't think you know I went to the opening night of your first show…"

"What! You were there?" She looked very surprised. He looked a bit sad and lost in thought as he continued:

"Yeah, I was there. I had pestered Shelby for months to let me contact you, but she didn't want to hear of it. We talked about what happened, how we broke in your auditorium to intimidate you, how we wrecked the practice room… the eggs… I guess I didn't realize how bad it was until I talked about it with Shelby… I was so angry, so jealous, so stupid back then…"

"Well I do remember that you were angry; when you where singing "Another One Bites the Dust" you looked furious! And when you did that thing with that disgusting egg… it's like you were so mad at me, like I had done something wrong, you told me that you loved me and you were just so pissed off… I never understood why you were so mad at me!"

"Oh god Rach, I was so full of myself back then, so stupid… I was angry because I was insanely jealous of Finn, of how you chose him over me over and over… I didn't know back then it was jealousy, and I was just mad at all of you, especially you and him…" He was sorry of bringing Finn into the conversation; it was not the best idea to talk about him while they were lying naked in bed. But mentioning his name didn't seem to have a bad effect on Rachel, so he continued.

"After the egging incident I felt so sickened by what I had done, that a few days later I went to beg you to forgive me, I wanted you to know how sorry I was, but then I saw you kissing him… And I thought I'd been right all along, that you wanted to be with him and not me… I'm so sorry about all that…"

"But Jesse, you should have talked to me. You should have told me what was going on in your head! I loved you, only you! I was stupid too, but at least I thought you knew that I loved you!"

He held her close now. "I was an ass, what can I say…"

"But tell me about the opening night, why didn't you come to say hi?"

"Well I kept hoping that you would spot me in the audience… When you didn't, I went to your dressing room. I remember I got you red roses, and I imagined you would throw them at my face, so I made sure they had no thorns! But I saw you with him again, going into your dressing room, so I just left. I went to see you three more times that week and you never saw me…"

"But no one told me!"

"Shelby thought it was for the best, since you'd gotten engaged. And did you know that I heard you on the night before your wedding telling Shelby you wanted it to be me, that you still cared about me?"

Now Rachel left his side and sat right in front of him. "What are you saying?"

"Apparently you were drunk and don't remember, but you were freaking out on Shelby and she left to talk to you and left the line open while talking to me. I almost went crazy, I'd always believed you wanted nothing to do with me, and to hear you say that you missed me… I remember going to the airport and just buying a very expensive ticket to New York, I had nothing with except for my wallet! And then…"

Rachel interrupted Jesse. "Wait. Hold it right there. I don't even remember telling that to Shelby! Of course I wanted it to be you, but I didn't even admit it to myself, as long as I was concerned, you were history and you wanted nothing to do with me! Whenever I went to an audition I dreaded the thought of running into you, I was terrified that you would just ignore me, treat me as if you'd never even met me…. Jesse, I.. I…." Tears were now forming on her eyes, and Jesse held her close again.

"Shhhh… Please don't cry, I never want to see you cry again because of me… Do you want me to keep going or do you want me to stop? We could go down to the beach.."

"No, no, please tell me, I need to know."

"What else can I tell you, I almost crashed your wedding, if it wasn't for Shelby! Please, Rachel, you have to stop crying! It physically hurts me to see you cry!" he said while pulling her close to him.

"Ok, ok, I'm just thinking that if I'd known back then… that you loved me…."

"Don't even think of that, please, don't" he said while kissing the top of her head. "What matters is that we're together now, and I'll never let you go."

"I'm better now, please tell me, is there anything else?"

"Well, I pretty much gave up on you when you got married, you looked very happy, I saw the wedding article, I saw you at the Tonys… And from time to time I'd ask Shelby, and she said you were very much in love. It was sometimes hard for me to understand what was it that he had that I didn't…"

"Jesse, I'm not going to deny I was happy, because I was… But I blocked you out completely, I didn't even allow myself to think of you, I never listened to any of your songs, it just hurt too much… I never asked Shelby about you until I was offered the show in LA... I did see you in my dreams, I had these very erotic dreams in which we were doing pretty much what we've done for the past couple of days…" she said playfully.

Of course, she omitted the part where she woke up Finn and pretended he was Jesse.

"Really? Well I had these erotic visions of you too but I was very conscious of what I was doing…" he placed a soft kiss on her lips.

She was smiling now.

"Oh Jesse, I guess we needed to go through all of this for some strange reason, I'm convinced things do happen for a reason. All I know is that now I never want to be away from you. I'm curious, at the last rehearsal for the Emmys you thanked me. For what were you thanking me?"

"Because that day, after singing with you again, I realized that just having you close was enough for me to be happy, even if you were with someone else. I had everything I could ask for professionally, fame, money. And yes, it gave me satisfaction, but you gave me hapiness and that sense of well being and peace that I needed. And somehow, and this will sound strange, because it is, you made me feel loved. I couldn't be with you physically but I felt that you loved me..."

"I thought about the same thing, because I felt the same way, like I never really stopped living you, and that it had nothing to do with Finn, I don't even know how toi explain it... BUt I do love you , Jesse, more than anything else..."

Now he sat up and faced her.

"Rachel, I don't want to scare you off, but I've been thinking the same thing, and I don't know if you are ready, but I have to tell you."

"Tell me what? Now you're scaring me…"

"Will you marry me?"

Now Rachel was wearing her biggest smile yet. She had married her high school sweetheart, and now her soulmate wanted to marry her. She was the luckiest girl in the world.

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**It's pure fluff but it would stil be nice if you reviewed it!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for taking so long to update, I was completely uninspired, but I guess that watching the first episode of the new season inspired me a bit…**

**Since you've probably forgotten what happened before, let me recap the previous chapters for you: **

**-Rachel and Shelby had a great relationship**

**-Rachel was on and off with Finn until she accepted to marry him **

**-Rachel loved Finn but still had feelings for Jesse, and Shelby found this out from a drunk Rachel's during her bachelorette party, Jesse also found out since he heard everything on the phone**

**-Jesse's life is explained so that we can understand why he is a pretentious ass**

**-They are all very famous and successful: Jesse is a Hollywood heartthrob and recording artist, Finn plays drums in a very famous rock band and Rachel is Broadway's darling. **

**-Rachel gets an opportunity to work in LA and accepts since she needs a break from Broadway**

**-Rachel and Jesse meet again when they are asked to present a GG award together, and their spark is reignited. Even though Rachel is still married, Jesse is happy just to be around her.**

**-Sensing that there's something between them, paparazzi get a hold of the video from the egging incident and it goes viral; Jesse thinks Rachel won't be able to forgive him but she does, and lets him know that she still cares for him**

**-Rachel and Jesse perform a Barbra tribute at the Oscars, Finn dies the next day of an aneurism**

**-Jesse makes arrangements for Rachel to go away to his house in Bali to grieve Finn's death and get better**

**-Almost a year after Finn's death, Jesse visits Rachel in Bali and basically she jumps his bones. **

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**CHAPTER 11 – I HATE TO BURST YOUR LITTLE BUBBLE, BUT…**

"I've got to go…"

"What?" she said hazily, still half asleep.

"I've got to go. I just turned on my phone, which had been off since I got here, and I have ten thousand messages, I need to get back to LA as soon as possible…" Jesse said, looking at Rachel with a mixture of guilt and longing.

"But Jesse, you just got here three days ago, I thought you could stay until Wednesday, it's only Sunday morning…"

"Rach, I know, believe me, there's nothing I want more than to stay here until Wednesday, but you know those assholes from Star Factory, always citing the stupid contract.. I swear, when I was there it was so different, now it's just a money making machine… And to top it off, the SAG strike is unquestionably happening, probably in less than a month, and that's going to bring most of LA to a halt, so Universal wants to move forward the premiere two weeks…"

Rachel was staring at him dumbfounded. She had been so out of it for so long, she almost forgot the sacrifices and commitments that came with show business, and she didn't know if she wanted to go back to that mess.

Jesse's face suddenly lit up.

"Well maybe, you can come home with me and we'll go to the premiere together! It'll be perfect, after all I need a date and there's no one I'd rather take than you!" he said excitedly, already picturing Rachel standing next to him on the red carpet.

But Rachel burst his bubble immediately.

"Jesse, I don't think so, I don't think I'm ready to go back… and I don't think I'm ready to be out in public with you yet, I mean, it's only been a year since Finn's passing… This is all going too fast Jesse, I don't even know…" Not even Rachel could believe the deluge of words coming out of her mouth, they sounded awful even to her. And that look in Jesse's face…

"Oh, well…" Jesse was out of words, he just felt like a bucket of icy water was dumped over him. He tried to smile and just started packing.

Rachel was also out of words. She just sat there on the bed covered only by a thin sheet and watched him pack in silence. When he was almost finished, she suddenly snapped out of it, stood up and went to him.

"Jesse, I just need a little more time… I do want to be with you, I just need a few more months…" She was holding his face now.

Jesse couldn't believe what he was hearing, they had spent the past two days making love, he even proposed to her last night… She didn't say 'yes let's get married' but the way she acted, the way she made love to him after that, was all the confirmation he needed. This was it, he was at long last with her and now she suudenly needed more time.

He reluctantly put his arms in her waist.

"That's ok Rachel, you don't have to say anything else, I get it."

"You get what Jesse?"

"Forget it Rachel, whatever, take your time. I'm sure I'll be able to get a date for the premiere, and don't worry about me, I'm used to being by myself. I have to go now."

He gave her a soft kiss on the lips, but her lips insisted and he kissed her more intensely, and now his body wanted more… Hell, it might as well be the last time he'd make love to her, maybe she'd move on in time. At that moment he loved her and hated her at the same time, only she could make him so happy and so miserable. So he kissed her, touched her, made love to her like it was the last time, and judging by her earlier reaction, it might as well be.

He left without turning back at her, he would not let her see the tears in his eyes, the same tears that didn't let him see her tears.

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On the long way back home, Jesse was despondent, he couldn't help feeling like a fool for once again expecting too much from Rachel. He thought that maybe, over the last year, she'd forgiven him for all his youthful transgressions, and had perceived just how much he truly loved her. He'd been so blinded by her horny hormones (and his own) that he didn't realize until he was on the plane that she never actually said "I love you" or had agreed to marry him, and he couldn't help feeling like a fool for thinking that he could finally share his life with Rachel. Only she had the power to make him feel so vulnerable, and he hated that, but he recognized it was his fault, after all, he was still the same idiot that brought her flowers to the opening night of her first Broadway performance, those thorn less roses he wished ended up on his face instead of in the trash.

Shelby knew that Rachel's ability to sense things, what she thought made her "semi-psychic", was something her daughter got from her. And today she was sensing something was off, so she'd spent the morning trying to ignore the funny feeling, she'd had enough drama in her life to last three lifetimes, and lately she'd made peace with herself for all her previous mistakes.

But suddenly she was able to put a face to the funny feeling, and she called Jesse immediately.

At first she was surprised, she didn't even know that Jesse had flown to Bali. As he reluctantly relayed his side of the story, she was surprised at the way things were turning out: this wasn't the way things were supposed to happen, Jesse and Rachel were supposed to end up together and live happily ever after, and again, enough with the drama! And she couldn't help but feel that this was all HER fault, maybe destiny had other plans for them, maybe her interfering on key events had caused all of this mess. It was her that kept Jesse from Rachel while they were both in college, it was her that never told Rachel how Jesse had seen all of her Broadway shows, it was her that kept Jesse from talking to Rachel right before her wedding to Finn.

Other than Rachel and Jesse, she was the common denominator in all of their drama, maybe even responsible for all of it. To Shelby, both were her children, both were a part of her, and she was determined to make this right. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't keep anymore secrets from Rachel, and she felt it was her responsibility to make everything right, to make THEM happen, and time was running out.

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**As always, your reviews are very very welcome and make updates materialize sooner! **

**And I feel I must start a campaign to pester Aoife28 to update "Sink or Swim", what I consider to be the BEST fic out there, I reread it the other day and it's just so good, and the cliffhanger is killing me! (Sorry, needed to get that out of my chest!) **


	12. Chapter 12

**I want to thank you all for your reviews, they really make my day! **

**Remember that in my world, Shelby and Rachel made up and they have a great relationship.**

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There is something about drama queens and their dealing with emotions: when everything is going their way, they can experience the most intense joy, and life is just beautiful and perfect. But when they get upset over something, they will certainly be the victims of the greatest tragedy and suddenly they hate the life that they used to love. And there is no greatest tragedy for drama queens than becoming a victim of their own thoughts, for they grow and multiply faster than a snowball rolling down a very tall and steep hill.

Both Rachel AND Jesse were drama queens, but Rachel had gotten worse with age.

Whereas Jesse was wallowing in self pity because of Rachel's attitude, Rachel was absolutely miserable, not a trace of the great disposition and attitude she used to have in sight. The last time she'd felt like this was back in high school, when she thought she had lost her voice. The only difference is that now she thought she had lost the love of her life. She kept moping around for days, constantly checking her phone for e-mails, messages, missed calls, anything that would give her hope that Jesse was at least thinking about her. Of course, that was impossible in Rachel's current state of mind: Jesse had fled from her side faster than if she'd had the plague. He just came, got what he wanted, and just left. One night he was telling her to marry him, just to run off the next morning. It was as if all her good luck had died along with Finn, there was nothing else to be done but to survive.

Only Shelby could knock some sense into her daughter.

At first she thought she could feign some kind of disease in order to get Rachel to go back to Ohio, but then she realized that she could really use some time off, and since she was one of those few people who enjoyed airports and airplanes, she decided she would go to Bali and bring Rachel back with her, even if she had to force her to do so.

It didn't surprise her when she found her daughter still in her ridiculously big pajamas, hair undone and dark circles under her eyes. After hugging and kissing and small talk, Shelby finally heard the other side of the story.

"Sweetie, you do know that I talked to Jesse before coming here, right?"

"Does he know you're here?"

"No, he doesn't know I'm at his house in Bali. With the woman he loves."

"Oh, please Mom, spare me the comment. He surely has a funny way to show his love…"

Shelby immediately interrupted Rachel, afraid of the snowball.

"Sweetie, I'm going to tell you something, and I don't want any diva crap from you. This is your mother giving you advice now, so listen carefully, and please remember that I love you both. You really need to get over yourself, Rachel. Stop the drama and stop being a victim here-"

"But Mom! Do you realize…" Rachel said flabbergasted.

"Don't Rachel, let me finish." Rachel nodded, her mom was dead serious.

"There are some things about Jesse you might not know… Throughout the years he always wanted to make contact with you, and I was the one that prevented it from happening. I thought you didn't want anything to do with him, but then you said something before your wedding, and he heard…"

"I know Mom…"

"You know? And you're not mad at me?"

"No Mom, I was a little sad when he told me, but I know that you did what you thought was best for me then. And things happen for a reason…"

"I don't get it Rachel. How can you be so reasonable and so obstinate at the same time?"

Now Rachel gave her a confused look.

"Listen, I promised myself after the Globes that I'd never keep any secrets from you, and that I wouldn't interfere between you and Jesse. But this is me breaking my own promise for your sake, for Jesse's sake, and for my own sanity. You have to go back to LA and make things right with Jesse, or you will lose him."

Now Rachel was really paying attention.

"Sweetie, sometimes you can be a little too full of yourself. You only see your point of view, and you close yourself to others. This is one of those times. Jesse loves you, can't you see that? He crossed an ocean to be with you for 4 days. He solved your problem with Star Factory, he planned this whole Bali thing. While you were still in LA grieving over Finn, he berated us every time we tried to get you out of your sadness. He said that you needed time to grieve, that we should just let you be. He called every day when we first got here, and you only talked to him 4 months later, and he was ok with that, he understood you needed time. He wasn't even planning on, you know, being intimate with you while he was here, but when you made the first move, he thought that maybe you were ready, that this was his chance to be a couple with you…"

Tears were threatening to fall from Rachel's eyes.

"He loves you baby, he's been in love with you for so long, and all the while he knew you were out of reach. But when he thought that you were both on the same page, you decided you needed more time. You don't need more time, you just need to get out of yourself."

Shelby paused for a second feeling sorry for her daughter, who was nos silently crying.

"I don't know how to say this without hurting you, but I must: Jesse is not Finn. Finn would do anything you wanted, he would follow you anywhere, he just needed someone, how can I say this… he needed someone smarter than him, and that was okay, somehow you two complimented each other, for each possessed what the other lacked. But Jesse is completely different, you cannot compare him to Finn. The only thing they have in common is that they are madly in love with you, sweetie. Jesse is your equal in both talent and intellect, and your relationship with him is going to be very different to what you're used to… The fact that you're in love with Jesse now doesn't mean that you loved Finn any less, it's just a different love."

"Oh god Mom, I didn't realize it until now… I'm just terrified to start something with Jesse, because this is so different for me… Everything is magnified with Jesse, every emotion, good or bad... I was afraid to admit that what I feel for Jesse is just so intense, it's hard for me to even admit that I can feel like this, so in love, after losing Finn…"

"Baby, you're one of the luckiest people on earth. Can't you see how lucky you are? Most people go around in life not knowing what true love is, they get married, have kids, and live mediocre lives always yearning for more… But you already have experienced true love, you know what it feels like to be completely comfortable with someone, to be unconditionally loved, to have someone that supports you in every way. You said so yourself, that you were lucky because you had Finn, even if it was for a short time. What you didn't realize is that you get to experience it again, I know you've always loved Jesse in some way, but now you have the chance to be with him, to experience that true love again… In a way it's even better now, you're older now and you've both achieved most of your professional dreams, you can now focus in your relationship, maybe start a family…"

"How could I have been so blind? You're right, I must never forget how lucky I am, not only because of Finn and Jesse, but because I have you."

Rachel hugged her mother tightly, she was indeed a lucky girl.

"Do you think Jesse will ever forgive me?"

"Of course he will, but you've got to show him that you love him too, and that you are ready to be with him completely."

"We need to leave immediately Mom, this has to be done in person, face to face…"

"I couldn't agree more, but I'm not going anywhere today, I'm physically and mentally exhausted, we'll leave tomorrow. Now I need to ask you something really important, a personal favor."

"Anything Mom, tell me.."

"Promise me you'll make a big bonfire out of those pajamas before we leave…"

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Jesse was tired. He never thought that being a judge on Star Factory would be so exhausting, he just wanted the damn show to end. As a matter of fact, he just wanted everything to end, he needed time to sort things out, to really think about the situation with Rachel. After the initial anger and confusion had burned out, he knew that there had to be something that could be done, he had waited way too long for her to just give up so easily. Even though he was tired, he was actually happy that it was the season finale of the show, the next two hours couldn't go fast enough. Before announcing the winner, various artists were going to perform, but he was so tired that he didn't even care.

He had his showface on when the first artist was announced, then the second, then the third.

He still had his showface when they announced that the next artist didn't need an introduction, and even guffawed inwardly when all the lights of the stage were dimmed, it was getting a bit too dramatic and mysterious even by his standards.

Then he heard the first notes and immediately recognized "The Way We Were". Now he was genuinely interested. The singer started humming with the stage lights still dimmed:

"Mmmm. Mmmmm."

Jesse suddenly felt his chest tighten, it wasn't possible, was it?

A single stage light illuminated her, it was Rachel, his Rachel, looking more beautiful than ever, looking directly at him.

"Memories, light the corners of my mind  
Misty watercolor memories of the way we were…"

Now Jesse's beaming smile was all his, the showface was no longer necessary.

Rachel made her way through the stage and finished the song sitting on the table in front of him:

"...Whenever we remember, the way we were."

The audience was bursting with applause and cheers, while Jesse held both of Rachel's hands in his and they just looked and smiled at each other adoringly, as if they were not in front of a live audience and millions more were not watching at home. Then they both stood up and held each other tightly, and Jesse took her face with his hands and just smiled, he still couldn't believe it was her in his arms. He wiped her tears softly with his thumbs and when he leaned to kiss her, the audience went crazy. They were still smiling when they kissed.

Then Rachel whispered to his ear so that only he could hear-

"Yes, I will marry you"

Jesse kissed her again more passionately now, until they finally had to acknowledge that they had quite an audience. They both just laughed nervously as the music started again and the show went to a commercial break.

Life was good again, in fact, it was beautiful.

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**Well, I hope you like it, this is it! **

**I was going to include an epilogue, but I'll update it separately.**

**Please review this final chapter, and you'll get the epilogue, and another story soon!**


	13. Epilogue

**Sorry for the short epilogue, I'm working on a new story and there's nothing else to write here except to say that they lived happily ever after, because they did!**

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**EPILOGUE – FIVE YEARS LATER**

It had been Jesse's idea. They had gone to Lima to visit Rachel's parents for Christmas two years after their marriage, and went to McKinley High for a little trip down memory lane. Mercedes was still coach of New Directions, and even though they had a very active booster club, the practice room and auditorium where quite deteriorated. Since Beth Corcoran Shuester was a sophomore and the co-captain of the team, Jesse and Rachel heard about the continuous struggle against budget cuts. Jesse suggested that they should create a foundation in Finn's name to support the schools arts programs, and that's how a small idea developed into an enormous project.

Three years later Rachel and Jesse went back to Lima to attend Jesse's twentieth high school class reunion in nearby Akron. He did not want to go, since the only person from Vocal Adrenaline he kept in touch with was Shelby, but Rachel insisted, she secretly wanted Jesse's VA teammates to see how well she had ended up, especially that mean witch Andrea Cohen. Rachel hit the elliptical hard, and carefully chose her outfit for the night: she had planned everything to perfection. But as soon as they got to the party, Andrea asked to talk to her privately, and then proceeded to tell Rachel how sorry she was for everything that she had done to her, including selling that video of the egging incident. She had gone to rehab, and Rachel and Jesse were the only ones she couldn't get a hold of to make amends as part of the 12 step program. After that, the night was surprisingly fun, and they just danced and sang karaoke until dawn.

Two days after the party they were the guests of honor at the inauguration of the Hudson Pavilion for the Arts at McKinley High, a new building dedicated exclusively to the performance arts. The pavilion was modern and spacious, and it contained everything a performance arts student could ever need, from a complete scholarship program for gifted students to its own theater and mini recording studio.

Most of the population of Lima was there for the occasion, not because of the inauguration of the building, but because Jesse St James and Rachel Berry were there. It was good to see many faces they hadn't seen in a long time. After the inauguration, both were invited by Mercedes to address the arts students in the theater.

Jesse was done addressing the students, and Rachel had prepared a little speech, which she gave as Jesse sat close to the podium, proudly looking at his wife. She could identify with her audience, she'd been where they were, struggling, fighting for her dreams.

"What matters the most is that you never give up, never forget your dreams. You must see opportunity instead of misfortune, I can assure you things will get better. I was slushied on a daily basis for more than two years, I was even egged on several occasions. But now I see those incidents as lucky charms, thanks to them I grew stronger and held even tighter to my dreams…"

"Mommy" shouted a little girl. Rachel's face lit up when she saw her little girl running to the stage. She picked up the little girl in her arms and introduced her to the audience.

"This is our daughter Stella St James Berry, say hi baby... Her name means star in Italian, it is a metaphor. I used to put a gold star after signing my name, because you should know that metaphors are important…"

They had announced to her family the previous night that she was pregnant with her second child, and that they were still debating if they wanted to stay in New York, move back to LA or even spend some time taking a break in Ohio. Stella was still trying to understand why she had 3 granddaddies and only one grandma. But as long as they were together, everything would be alright.

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**Thanks so much for all your reviews, many of you suggested great ideas that were incorporated in the story, and you have all been amazing and very supportive. And don't worry, no more Finchel! I don't understand why people even like Finn, he's so lame… I hope they bring back Jesse! Meanwhile, I'll post a new story I'm working on soon, so that we can keep on getting our St Berry fix!**


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